Planetary Design Double-Wall Insulated Stainless Steel Tumbler
- Double-walled, vacuum-insulated stainless steel with a high-gloss baked enamel finish
- 12, 16, and 20-ounce capacity
- Top-shelf dishwasher safe
- Such a standard travel coffee mug we can’t even think of any jokes to put here
Quest for the Sparkling Chalice
It was the year 3015, and Fnark Woodwood could sense that he was close to striking yet another fortune. The world’s greatest archaeologist won riches and glory by unearthing and selling a particular kind of 21st-century ceremonial chalice. Constructed with double walls of stainless steel and coated in a colored enamel, the insulated vessels were believed to hold a heated solution of ground plant matter used in morning sun-worship rites. So ingeniously designed were they, and so few examples had been discovered thus far - only eight, six of them by Fnark - that each one was worth trillions of Ameros.
Now Fnark was digging in an area of Republica del Norte once known as “the Metroplex”. It had been a major center in the extraction of both edible and combustible biological matter, and known for its “cowboys”, who engaged in ritual gladiatorial combat with an inflated animal skin. Here, on the outskirts, in the underground remains of a vast storehouse, Fnark had found shards of two different chalices. His sonar device indicated a large cavity just a few more feet down. He had every reason to believe it might contain another chalice.
His matter-evaporator ray sliced through one last layer of compacted, ancient garbage. The underground cavity was open enough for him to squeeze through. Fnark gently lowered himself to the bottom of the manmade grotto with his hoverboots, and his light found it immediately: glinting green and silver, still standing on a shelf. An insulated ceremonial chalice!
He popped off the top and saw that it still had liquid inside - still steaming hot after a thousand years! What astonishing powers of insulation! Or maybe that was the ambient radiation.
Then his hoverboot bumped something with a hollow thunk. Fnark looked down and saw another identical chalice on the ground. Two chalices in a single dig! This was an unprecedented triumph! You’ve done it again, Woodwood, he smugly told himself, anticipating another official tribute bacchanal aboard Lord High Trump XXXIV’s pleasure satellite. That guy knew how to party.
He put the both chalices in his tactical fanny pack and gave the room one more sweep of his light as he started to hoverboot back to the surface. Unbelievably, another chalice sat on a shelf. Then he spotted another. And another. And then dozens more. Hundreds, in three different sizes and a variety of colors. One entire shelf, perhaps fifteen astrocubits long, filled with glistening ceremonial chalices.
This changes everything, Woodwood thought. Our understanding of the past. The rarity value of the chalices. Everything. It’s the most significant discovery of our age. He knew what he must do.
As he soared out of the cavity opening and into the air, the underground charges he had set exploded. The ancient storehouse caved in, burying the horde of chalices forever. Or at least long enough for Woodwood to sell the two chalices he kept.
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Planetary Design Double-Wall Insulated Stainless Steel Tumbler 64
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Superiority Jam 11
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How many ounces of coffee do you drink in a typical day? (A cup is about 12 ounces.) 21
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What are you doing for Thanksgiving/Black Friday/cyber Monday? 23 -
How have I never heard this song? 38 -
The deed is done 7 -
Fuku Box 2 shipment 44 -
Planetary vs Bubba, who wins? 3