48-Pack: Flapjack High-Fiber Vegan Oat Bars

  • A flapjack in the UK is an oat bar, which are these
  • You can pick two 24-packs per order:
    • Berrylicious, coincidentally featuring berries
    • Dark Chocolate, with a nice thick brushstroke of dark chocolate on top
    • Pistachio, named as such because it contains walnuts, obviously…
  • “Best by 4/22/22”, which is why they are $0.50/bar vs normal retail of $2.25/bar
  • @troy approved as moist and delicious
  • 2.47oz / 70g each
  • Must purchase in multiples of two to complete purchase
see more product specs


Sure, the bars might be good. Sure, they might have a lot of fiber. Sure, they might be vegan and gluten free.

But they just lack pizzazz, you know? Pizzazz, not pistachio. Some of them actually do have that.

I know that the organic, healthy stuff usually has this plain Jane style with boring, natural, muted, and/or neutral imagery, but come on! Show some energy, some spunk. Make your product stand out from the rest of the boring crap on the shelf. You might be selling the same boring crap, but you can make it appealing at least.

In fact, I say we go all the way. Straight to 90’s-level madness. Everybody had a mascot, the colors were wild, and all of the brands wanted so desperately to be cool. Try this on for size:

We open on a suburban household. Mom’s got this pseudo-1950’s look, because the people producing the commercial were born around then. Apron, hairspray, eerie constant smile. Dad’s at the table, crosslegged, got the newspaper and real thick glasses.

Enter the pre-teen son wearing sunglasses, a backwards baseball cap, and a baggy, bright t-shirt. He’s got his backpack. He’s not happy about school, but he’s got energy. Mom starts saying something to him. We’ll just make it a bunch of “blah, blah, blah” because your parents are lame and don’t get you!

She’s making something on the stove, stirring it in a pot, and we get a close up of it at a dutch angle as mom shows son what’s for breakfast. It’s some kind of weird goopy stuff, all kinds of gross sound effects added in post. Kid lowers his sunglasses with his jaw dropped, extreme close-up of mom nagging, dad’s not paying attention to anything.

Then out of nowhere, BLAM. Door is kicked inwards. A giant oat bar with oversized shades, its own ball cap, and noodle arms does an ollie over the mandatory scruffy family dog on a skateboard through the door. All kinds of special effects behind him outside, like smoke and lights. Without a word, he tosses a Flapjack High-Fiber Vegan Oat Bar to the kid. I say toss, but actually we put it on a green screen where we’ll key in the kitchen spinning behind it.

Cut to the kid catching it. He’s all like, “Woah, cool!” Then show the product again with some random catchphrase, like, “It’s funtastic!”

And cut.

Brilliant. I want a check in the mail, Flapjack High-Fiber Vegan Oat Bar people.

So far today...

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  • That’s $13481 total.
  • (including shipping)

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