Clean & Comfortable

Now, the sales pitch here is pretty simple. This is a good product from a trusted brand. It can be used in the shower, and with (or without) shave gel. And it’s designed to give you a close yet comfortable shave. Also, we’re selling it for about 60 bucks less than the price you’ll find on Amazon, where it has a rating of 4.5 out of 5 based on over 3,800 reviews.

And yet, it’s this 3-star review for user “DEREK KNIGHT” that we want to focus on.

It begins with a normal enough introduction:

For years, I’ve shunned electric shavers because I just couldn’t find one that worked well with my particular facial hair and skin. The other models I’ve tried either couldn’t cut consistently or would irritate the heck out of my skin (or both). Recently, though, I thought it was time to explore the world of electric shavers again and, after looking at reviews, settled on the Phillips Norelco 7800.

Fine, right? But things start getting a little weird pretty quickly:

The “Wet-Dry” aspect (they say you can use it with shave gel!) is really what sold me along with it being rechargeable (cords are dumb!).

This is what we would call a great example of subtle foreshadowing, just a little tidbit that seems straightforward but reveals more of our narrator’s psyche than one might realize at first glance. See, the user speaks no falsehoods here. Cords really are the worst. And yet, unpacking it further, you discover something a little odd: cordlessness as a selling point for a razor. Because at this point, most electric shavers outside of those heavy-duty clippers used by barbers would probably fit this description, right? Like, are there any products comparable to this that need to be plugged into the wall at all times?

We quickly move on from here to the complaint that becomes central to DEREK KNIGHT’s middling rating:

Now that I’ve had a chance to use it… Well, I’m not gonna say I’m DISAPPOINTED in this shaver but, yeah, there are DEFINITELY things that I don’t like about it. First: for the price point, it SHOULD COME WITH A USB CHARGE BLOCK. Simple, right? it comes with a charging base and a USB cord, so COMMON SENSE WOULD DICTATE that it would come with that SIMPLE ITEM but It does NOT so be prepared to dig one out of a drawer or order one separately because, again, even though AT THIS PRICE POINT it’s RIDICULOUSLY STUPID that this shaver doesn’t come with a USB charge block… Welp, it’s stupid because It doesn’t come with a USB charge block.

Here, we begin to understand DEREK KNIGHT as a person who has recently emerged from some sort of pod, one sealed in the early 2000s and only opened recently. After all, friggin’ iPhones don’t come with the charging block anymore. You think an electric shaver is going to have one?!

DEREK does issue some faint praise:

With that said, this IS the first electric shaver I’ve owned in my lifetime that doesn’t irritate my skin, so… small victory?

We would argue that this is, in fact, not a small victory, but rather a large one, proof that the shaver does the thing DEREK has been looking for, but alas, who can say which is worse: having painfully irritated skin, or having to find a USB charging block in the junk drawer?

Oh, and If you think we’re done with the charging block thing, you’d be very, very wrong.

DEREK’s further complaints proceed as follows:

• Sometimes it takes sorta long to shave.
• It works with shave gel, but you need to rinse the shave gel off the shaver from time to time, which is definitely something unique to this product and not an issue that has plagued all razors ever.
• It is not as precise as a non-electric shaver? Or something?
• (Quick mention of that USB charging block thing again.)
• There is an app that will remind you when to buy blades, but the app requires you to set up an account.
• If you tip over the container with the cleaning liquid, it spills, and also, if you have to load in liquid and press a button can it really be called “self-cleaning”? (Yes. The answer is yes.)

We end with another quick mention of that one little positive thing–the fact that it works without skin irritation–before issuing a final reminder of the terrible tragedy that befell this buyer–there is no charging block.

Are we piling on a little here? Sure. But we really do think this review sells the product well. Because if someone who can find such pedantic bullshit to complain about has to admit that, well, actually, it does the shaving part well and without discomfort, then you know it’s probably pretty great.

So buy it!