Petmate Dog Toy Bundle

  • Stuff for chewing, and gnawing, and carrying around in one’s mouth
  • You get one of each style: a floating boomerang, a stuffed pizza, a “tuff” canvas plush, and a soft squeaky plush
  • Make sure your dog doesn’t go looking through your purchase history, it’ll ruin the surprise
see more product specs

Not for use by humans. Unless...

Man’s best friend? Pfft. I’m my own best friend. No canine companion could possibly be more loyal to me than I myself am. Call off your dogs, world - I can bring myself my own pipe and slippers, thanks.

So I refuse to acknowledge the artificial division between “dog products” and “human products”. If I see a can of delicious, tender chunks of beef in a rich, savory gravy, I don’t care what aisle the grocery store keeps it in. If I want to carry out my natural functions on my own property, I don’t fret about which branch of Mammalia I happen to belong to.

And when I see some fun toys, I’m going to play my tail off, even if that tail is figurative. This stretchy bungee bird gives me a better workout than anything at the gym. When I’m sleeping, I cuddle this stuffed toy right in that crook between my arm and my chest. It’s comforting. A human being like me can always find a use for a colorful piece of rope. And who wouldn’t like a delicious treat that also keeps your teeth in shape?

Notice I didn’t say “dog treat”. That was on purpose. I’m just as entitled to that treat as any dog. More, because my species made it. So yum.

By now you’re probably asking, “What do you think you are? Some kind of animal?” No way. I know exactly what I am. Just ask my roommates. They say it all the time, whenever I jump up on the couch or try to stand up on two legs: “Hey, look! He thinks he’s people.”

So far today...

  • 52252 of you visited.
  • 27% on a phone, 7% on a tablet.
  • 5817 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 1023 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $9293 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?