We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

Perricone MD Advanced Firming Collection for Face & Eye

  • The neuropeptide facial cream will cover up fine lines, static wrinkles, dynamic wrinkles, and gravitational wrinkles, which are all apparently different things
  • The firming moisturizer will keep your skin feeling fresh and hydrated
  • The 2 de-puffing eye gels will… uh… de-puff your eyes
  • It’s a good gift because there’s a bunch of stuff in one box
  • And if you want to look cool and young, consider buying a shirt or two from Mediocritee
  • Model: MD; coincidentally, Model, MD is also the name of a show I’ve been writing, about a beautiful person who solves medical mysteries
see more product specs

A Story For The Ages

Hello. I’m a reporter from a 90s comedy, and the newspaper I work for has just sent me… back to high school?

It’s for an assignment, silly! I’m supposed to get in touch with today’s youth, and the only way to do that is apparently to pretend I’m one of them. So now I, an adult woman, find myself wandering locker-lined halls and attending various classes, all so I can learn what the kids are up to, and maybe finally live the popular girl life along the way.

See, I was a nerd in high school, and despite my successful career as a journalist, that still haunts me in a totally normal and non-problematic way.

What is problematic is my face. I’m by no means old, but compared to the cheerleading, quarterbacking, kick-flipping teen population in which I’m currently subsumed–well, let’s just say I have a few more laugh lines than my classmates!

So it’s a good I got a Perricone MD Advanced Firming Collection for Face & Eye for Christmas. With its firming moisturizer, its facial cream, and its two de-puffing eye gels, I can cover up four kinds wrinkles and keep my skin hydrated, so I look youthful and fresh! Always!

The various included gels and compounds give me the neuropeptides, H2 energy complex, and amino acids I need to deceive the other students–whether its at school or one of their various raucous underage-drinking rave parties, which I attend with no ethical concerns–and also teachers and administrators, all of whom are unaware of my true age and identity, because entering high school is a process requiring zero paperwork.

It really was a wonderful gift. My brother gave it to me. He used to be a shallow guy, but after being hypnotized by a strange man in stalled elevator, he sees ugly people as super hot, because that’s their inner beauty.

Anyway, I better get going. I’ve got 45 minutes of trig to attend to, after which I will be rescued by the ding of the bell, so to speak. Then it’s time to go home and write a column about math homework and leggings, which is something that a huge big city newspaper is paying me to do.


So far today...

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  • That’s $13737 total.
  • (including shipping)

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