Super Cool

PRODUCT COMPARISON: an Outter Limits VaultPack Cooler Backpack vs. a Very, Very Cool Backpack

an Outter Limits VaultPack Cooler Backpack

Pros:

• Sleek and stylish in its own way.
• Comfortable-to-wear bag on the outside.
• Inside, the removable, waterproof hard-sided VaultPack features many compartments, keeping things cold and separate (meaning, no smashed sandwiches, unless you pack it really stupidly).
• Four included ice packs.
• Great for backpacking and hiking, or just bringing a picnic to the beach.

Cons:

• Despite its claim to be a “cooler” bag, it appears to have been designed by nerds.
• All the stories it’s involved in are outdoorsy, which is fine, but not very “cool.”
• Logo looks like a honeycomb, and bees are very organized, and organization is not punk, and therefore uncool.

a Very, Very Cool Backpack

Pros:

• Owned by someone named Sam, which allowed him to spell his name on it with three patches: one of the cool S, one of the anarchy A, and one of the Metallica M.
• Carried textbooks but rarely went to class, because Sam usually skipped to smoke cigs under the bleachers.
• Sam wasn’t a bully; he was the bully to the bullies.
• Bag was often worn while BMX-biking.
• Sam also wore his bag while walking his family’s dog, meaning there were often biscuits in it. One time, when he was skipping school and smoking cigarettes, he passed someone walking a Dalmatian. He gave the dog a biscuit, and the owner said, “Thanks, dude.” And he’s pretty sure that was the guy from Sublime.

Cons:

• Doesn’t keep anything cold.
• While Sam was cool in high school, he’s in his mid-40s now, and still talks about high school, which isn’t very cool, and that, in turn, makes his backpack somewhat uncool, right?
• God, it smells awful.

CONCLUSION: The Very, Very Cool Backpack might not actually be very cool, and its potential coolness is the only thing it has going for it. The Outter Limits VaultPack Cooler, meanwhile, is way more useful.