Omigo Luxury Heated Bidet Toilet Seat with Air Dryer and Wireless Remote
- Heated soft-close seat with night light
- Heated water (no ice-cold sprays here!)
- Deodorizes during business, and warm-air dries your butt after business
- Will clean itself after it cleans your butt
- Remote with tons of functions!
- Can it make a margarita: No, but if you jerry-rigged it to a bucket of margarita, you could… oh god… oh no… don’t do that! What a waste of a marg!
The Bidet After
Got anything planned for the big day tomorrow?
What do you mean, “What big day”? It’s a major holiday! National Toilet Paper Day!
Me? I’m not just gonna spend it worshipping the humble roll hanging in my bathroom. No, sir! I think I’ll use NTPD to bring the toilet paper philosophy to other areas of my life. For example, I’m going to take all the dirty clothes out of the hamper, wipe each of them vigorously with a dry paper towel, and then fold them and put them back in the closet.
Because that’s what toilet paper teaches us: to clean any mess, even one involving something so foul as human waste, all you need to do is apply a thin piece of paper and call it a day.
Luckily for us, a recently invented product called the ‘bidet’ does something very novel: it introduces water into the butthole cleaning process! It’s super cool and super new and we think it’s going to be a really big deal. Why, we believe it could even gain popularity in other areas of the world too!
[International readers: we’re sorry, seriously. It’s just a joke. We’re being sarcastic. Please forgive us and continue to visit our site. Thank you.]
Anyway, what we’re sacrilegiously selling today, the day before National Toilet Paper Day, is one of these newfangled “bidet” products. Or, more accurately, it’s a bidet toilet seat attachment. And, actually, it’s a pretty nice one.
It’s easy to install, and once you’ve got it in, it offers a number of pretty high-end features. A wireless remote, for example, to control the pressure. Front and rear nozzles. Also, a heated seat, as well as an internal water heater (so that the cleansing spray it provides does not send a chilling jolt through your whole body), not to mention a warm air dryer.
Plus, it’s efficient (with an eco mode to lower the energy output when not in use) and clean. Why, its nozzles even self-rinse, which is great, but wouldn’t it be funnier if they just sorta wiped themselves off with a piece of paper? No, it’s just me who’s laughing at that idea? Okay, cool!
In conclusion: buy this bidet seat.
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Omigo Luxury Heated Bidet Toilet Seat with Air Dryer and Wireless Remote 64
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It's Singin' Cowboy Time: I'll Build a Robot 0
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How will you celebrate National Toilet Paper Day tomorrow? 29
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[Blanket expression of holiday felicitations applicable to the interests and proclivities of the recipient.] 4 -
No Regerts 2 -
Merry Christmas from MEH! 6 -
'Tis the cheesiest: Shoddy Goods 024 4 -
I KNEW it! 5