It's Gonna Be A Good Bidet

Are we just selling nicer bidet attachments, or are bidet attachments getting nicer and nicer?

Like, seriously, the first few we sold were like: “Here’s a cold spritz of water straight up your butt, you filthy loser.”

Now, they’re like: “Please, sir or madam, enjoy the heated seat while you go, and then, when the time comes, use the control panel to issue a cleansing blast from the self-cleaning, front-and-rear-washing stainless steel nozzle. When all’s finished, be sure to take a complimentary glass of Prosecco.”

Okay, to be fair, this does not serve Prosecco. But it does offer everything else we listed: a heated seat, an easy-to-use control panel, and a self-cleaning stainless steel nozzle that’ll deliver refreshing sprays front and back.

And how do we know it sprays? Because they included this super helpful product photo on the Amazon page!

Now, obviously, to show it actually doing it’s job in a real-life bidet-requiring situation would be obscene and, not to mention, difficult to shoot. But, to our eyes, there is something similarly upsetting about seeing a bidet just shooting its stream into nowhere. Not to mention, how many pictures did they take? Was the bathroom soaked after this photo session?

What we’re saying is: bidet companies, you don’t need to show us the thing spraying for us to know it sprays. But also thank you for designing such luxurious ass-cleaning devices.

Anyway, get one if you don’t have one already and enjoy a fresher butt post-poop than you ever thought possible.