Rolling, Flying

VOICE OVER:
From the Eppley Airfield Terminal in beautiful Omaha, Nebraska, it’s time for another episode of…

AUDIENCE CHEERING ALONG:
Love Is In The Air!

VOICE OVER:
And now, your host, Robbie Miller!

[Applause!]

ROBBIE:
Thank you, thank you! Welcome to ‘Love Is In The Air,’ the only show where we help travelers find love during a long, arduous day of air travel. Today’s contestant is Maggie Sumner. Maggie, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?

MAGGIE:
Well, I’m twenty-nine years old, and between airfare, attire, accommodations, and a gift, I’m spending roughly three thousand dollars to attend the wedding of a cousin I barely know at a venue in a suburb of Philadelphia. Because of that expenditure, this will stand in as my ‘vacation’ for this year and next.

ROBBIE:
Wonderful! Now, Maggie, we have three great contestants vying for your affection. So, tell us, are you ready to find love at 10,000 feet?

MAGGIE:
Honestly, no. I’d prefer to just sort of get through–

ROBBIE:
Great! Contestant number one, tell us about yourself.

ERIC:
Hi! I’m Eric Markowitz. You probably noticed by now that the kiosk for printing your baggage check tags is out of service. But no worries, there’s only one person in line at the desk. It’s me! But I’m taking my sweet time. You see, my flight has been delayed, which means I’ll miss my connection, and I am asking the attendant, over and over again, how this could be possible, as if my repetition of the question to this lowly airport worker will somehow result in a change of my fortunes. I’ve been here for about fifteen minutes, and it should only take about twenty more.

ROBBIE:
Nice to meet you, Eric! Now, let’s hear from contestant number two.

CHRIS:
Hi, I’m Chris Tramming, your gate attendant. Someone was mean to me in high school, and I’ve never forgotten it. I will be carrying out my duties with a despotic edge, and if you, a peasant from boarding group six, have the gall to walk on the red carpet reserved for diamond platinum members, there may be a physical altercation.

ROBBIE:
Very fiery, Chris! And finally, contestant number three.

PAUL:
Hi. I’m Paul Danielson. It is the year of our lord two-thousand twenty-five, and guess what I haven’t heard of? Earbuds! For this reason, you can expect to enjoy unfettered access to the FaceTime calls I make before take-off and immediately upon landing. As for during the flight itself? Well, despite the fact that the in-flight wi-fi you paid thirty dollars for can barely load your Gmail, I’ll somehow spend the duration watching TikToks with the volume turned all the way up.

ROBBIE:
How interesting, Paul! Now, Maggie, tell us, who is going to be your choice?

MAGGIE:
So, I really want nothing to do with any of these people. But I’m going to have to deal with all three at some point today, aren’t I?

[ding, ding, ding! Applause!]

ROBBIE:
You are correct, Maggie! But that’s not all! Get ready to travel easily and in style, with all of your items organized and safe, because you’re taking home an Olympia USA Nema 25" Expandable Hardcase Spinner Luggage–

MAGGIE:
Oh, really? That’s actually pretty cool.

ROBBIE:
–for just $49.99!

MAGGIE:
Wait, I have to pay for the prize?

ROBBIE:
It’s air travel, Maggie! You have to pay for EVERYTHING!