You’re Not Worthy

Today’s deal is too good for you.

Don’t take that personally, though, because it’s too good for anybody. Just because a few thousand years of human evolution have created a world where you can use something this luxurious to unwet that glistening meat sack you call a body, doesn’t mean it’s anywhere close to a reasonable expectation for comfort and utility.

Like…any towel is fine. Maybe it’s a little thin. Perhaps a bit scratchy. Your great-grandparents dried themselves off by rubbing against trees, so maybe just suck it up.

Actually, you know what? We’re going to level with you.

If you recognize this towel set because you already have something like it in your bathroom (or, worse, your guest bathroom), and you paid anything close to retail for it…we kind of hate you.

Nobody needs towels this soft. Nobody needs a towel-sized towel plus a much smaller washcloth and also a slightly different hand towel. Great-grandma used the same tree for everything, up to and including leverage while giving birth to one of your grandparents.

So yeah. Unless they’re dumb and fancy because you already bought something like this or are old and look like actual Swiss cheese, the towels you have are probably sufficient.

However.

However, however, however…

There’s a Meh-flavored opportunity here. Because somewhere in the production of these nicer-than-needed towels that were designed to a stupidly high standard of both form and function, someone blew it.

The towel engineer (or whoever) was asked to create a batch of grey.

They were asked for a batch of grey (as in “grey” grey) but they actually created a whole bunch of stone grey. This is a distinction that would have mattered to literally no one and we refuse to concede that they couldn’t have just rolled these suckers out alongside their aquas and corals and lavenders, but nooooo. That would be admitting that towels are unimportant and that their lives lack meaning.

So instead, they’re going to pretend that these slightly-not-the-right-grey towels are therefore trash worthy of, well…us.

And you.

So you ARE worthy. As long as you recognize the absurdity happening right now and snag these towels in who-gives-a-shit-grey right now for thirty bucks.

They really are very soft.