Cool Cats

Mr. Khool was the coolest teacher at Meh High. He taught an elective called The Mathematics of Skating, a class he only managed to get approved after bringing the principal to a skate park and catching phat air while explaining how each side of a halfpipe was essentially a graph of exponential growth. Now, he was on his way to teach his first session of it when, rounding a corner, he heard stifled sobs.

Narf, hunched next to the water fountain, tried to straighten up when he saw Mr. Khool approaching. “Oh, hey, Mr. Khool. I was just… uh… making sure the fountains weren’t leaking.”

“Sounds like the only thing leaking are your eyes, l’il guy,” said Mr. Khool, crouching next to him. “You want to talk about it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Narf said. “It’s just… well… I feel like when all the other kids ask for stuff, they get it right away. Toothbrushes. Jerky. Fidget spinners. But I’ve been asking for the same thing for years, and nobody takes me seriously.”

“I know what you’re going through,” Mr. Khool said.

“You do?”

“Sure! Being a cool guy is great, but sometimes it’s hard to get people to take me seriously. They think it’s all kick flips and cliff jumps, when really that’s only like 60 to 70 percent of what I do. There’s also a lot of hard work that nobody gives me credit for. But you know what? Whenever I start to feel like maybe it’s time to trade my longboard in for a Prius, I remind myself: there’s a reason progress and persistence both start with p. A friend of mine told me that once. His name was Tony Hawke.”

Narf’s eyes went wide. “Tony Hawk the skateboarder?”

“No,” Mr. Khool said. “This is Hawke with an e. He was Ethan Hawke’s second cousin. We played in a band together in college. And actually he went by Anthony.”

“So do you just call him Tony Hawke so people think you’re talking about Tony Hawk?”

“It doesn’t matter why I do it,” Mr. Khool said. “The point is, it’s a decision I made to call him Tony. And we all have decisions to make in this life. So, are you going to give up, or are you going to decide to keep chasing your dreams?”

Narf stood up. “You’re right! It doesn’t matter that it’s taken this long! I can’t give up now, not for anything!”

“That’s right! So, what is it that you’ve been asking for?”

“A cat shirt,” Narf said.

“Wait, seriously?” Mr. Khool said, getting to his feet. “But you’re Narf. You’re wearing a cat shirt right now. And you wore one yesterday. And the day before that. And actually every other day too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the same cat shirt twice, now that I think about it.”

Narf slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Sorry, Mr. Khool. I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve gotta get to chem. Thanks again! You really said exactly what I needed to hear!”

“That’s great,” Mr. Khool said. “Although, maybe we need some other designs?”

But Narf was already off and running to his next class.

You heard Mr. Khool! We DO need more ideas for Meh/Mediocre tees. Why not post some in the comments?