Master Pan 15" Non-Stick Divided Skillet

An amazing all-in-one nonstick pan that can do everything except lift that heavy weight from your heart
Made of aluminum despite looking cast-iron-y
Not a high-end cooking instrument (doy) but good for that life stage between hand-me-down pans and going full Le Creuset
Unsurprisingly in a big pan, the middle gets hotter than the sides, though different foods also cook at different temperatures…
“Uses Whitford’s XYLAN PLUS double layer non-stick coating which is PFOA free,” sounds like an 1890s flimflam man trying to sell you a cure-all tonic
Dishwasher safe, oven safe to 350 degrees, and what else … oh yeah, looks pretty goofy
Model: MP1 (Few people are aware that the MP3 audio compression technology was actually an accidental by-product of a third attempt at the MasterPan. The reason so few people know that is because it’s not true)

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One Pan To Rule Them All

Frodo handed the pan slowly to the wizard. It suddenly felt very heavy, like cast iron, even though it was made of aluminum.

Gandalf held it up by its ergonomic Bakelite handle. “Can you see any markings on it?’ he asked.

“No,” said Frodo. “It’s stain resistant and never shows a sign of wear.”

“Well then, look!” To Frodo’s astonishment the wizard threw it suddenly into the fire. Frodo cried out and reached to save it, but Gandalf held him back.

“Wait!” he said.

Nothing happened to the pan. Gandalf eventually withdrew it from the fire with his bare hands, to Frodo’s amazement.

“It is quite cool,” said Gandalf. “Take it! Hold it up and look closely.”

Frodo saw fine lines running along the outer ridge of the pan, flowing together like some script.

“The letters are Elvish,” the wizard said, “But the language is that of MasterPan, which I will not utter here. But in the common tongue it reads:

One Pan to rule them all, One Pan combines them
One Pan to cook them all, and on the stovetop fry them.
Three spots for the other things you want to try,
A longish one for, I donno, a calzone,
Kind of a Foreman grill to fry,
One for the sad man who lives all alone.
One Pan to rule them all, One Pan combines them
One Pan to cook them all, and on the stovetop fry them.
In the pan you’ll order if you want to try."

“Keep it secret,” the wizard warned. “It’s dishwasher safe!”

To be continued … (if you don’t buy them all and we have to sell them again)