Vacuuming Sucks

I’m going to start with a little anecdote that I swear will eventually come around to today’s product.

The year was 2010 or thereabouts. I was on a diet, looking for healthy yet indulgent snacks, and I was confused about the way the calorie count was listed for microwave popcorn. So I did some internet research and found a lot of other perplexed popcorn-loving dieters commiserating on a message board.

Only, they weren’t the only ones there. The forum was also overrun with a bunch of people saying things like, “Why eat salty, fatty popcorn when you can have grapes?” Or, “Opt for rice cakes instead! They’re much better for you!”

It was an important lesson to learn for me: that just because people don’t get something, doesn’t mean they’re gonna be quiet about it. Folks who don’t even enjoy unhealthy food are going to tell you that you shouldn’t either. Folks who enjoy working out are going to tell you that you should enjoy working out too. And folks who are neat freaks are going to tell you that you should also be a neat freak. And what’s more, they’ll make you feel like the fact that you like/don’t like/aren’t these various things means you’re not a responsible adult.

Well, news flash: you can be a functional member of society who likes garbage food, hates exercise, and doesn’t care to spend a lot of time vacuuming.

Especially if you get a robot vacuum cleaner, like this Kyvol Cybovac D6. With a name straight out of a Soviet-era science fiction novel, it won’t cook you low-fat baked chips or give you chiseled muscles while you sit and watch television. But it will vacuum your floor, and it will do so efficiently thanks to its Alexa and Google Assistant compatibility (via the app), intelligent home mapping, extra-strong suction, and ability to sweep and mop at the same time.

Let’s be serious, though; even if it weren’t super efficient, you probably wouldn’t care, because a) at less than $200, it’s much cheaper than a Roomba, and b) you just hate vacuuming that much.

So embrace the hate, forget about all those judge-y neat freaks who actually enjoy cleaning, and get this Kyvol Cybovac today, so you can put your well-earned free time towards literally anything else.