The gift of guilt-free Starbucks.

People who appreciate good coffee are the most likely to purchase a fancy coffee maker for the home. But they are also the most likely to enjoy treating themselves to a cup of fancy coffee from Starbucks or their local independent coffeeshop. Scientists call this the Venti Paradox.

But after spending so much on a nice coffee maker, they feel weird about spending more money on take-out coffee. If you’ve invested in a really nice stainless steel thermal carafe, so you can drink coffee at home the way Europeans do, is it wrong to still enjoy a cup of takeout coffee at a sidewalk cafe, another staple of European living (coincidentally something I happen to be into right now)? The conflicting feelings of desire and guilt that arise mingle in a condition of psychological agitation. Scientists call this Coffeetive Dissonance.

Aside from extensive therapeutic interventions, up to and including electroshock therapy, the only known cure for Coffeetive Dissonance is to purchase a higher-end coffeemaker at a price more appropriate to a lower-end coffeemaker. One such example is today’s KRUPS 10-Cup Programmable Coffee Maker. Its extensive programmability, the aforementioned stainless steel carafe, and even flavor extraction mirror the mechanical profile of a luxury coffee maker. But its low price tag resolves the Venti Paradox, to allow the patient to enjoy the occasional Starbucks free of guilt. Scientists call this Caffeinated Behavioral Therapy.

Tests show only one negative side effect. Since coffee makers this good are only rarely available at prices this low, the patient can experience feelings of resentment and isolation from his or her similarly afflicted friends who were not able to acquire one. Scientists call this Beanis Envy.