Spring Inferno

Here’s a question: why does the app on your phone only give you the weather predictions for outside?

Okay, you don’t have to answer that. It’s just a little joke. Sort of.

You see, many of us are in that glorious time of year where we no longer need to use the heat and we don’t yet have to turn on the AC. Instead, we can open the windows and enjoy some fresh, temperature-regulating air. The issue is, sometimes it’s hard to get enough of that air inside.

Like, let’s say it’s one of those random spring days when the temperature gets up into the low 80s. It’s glorious, right? You sit out on the deck after work, enjoying a cold drink while the sun goes down, putting on a sweater as the air gets cooler, until finally it’s time to go inside because the party’s over.

Except, when you step foot in your home, you realize, wait, that party’s actually still raging. Because the fan you’ve got in the window just isn’t doing the work. And the way your house is laid out, you can’t get a good cross draft going. Add to that the fact that you give off heat, and so does everyone else who lives in your house, including your spouse, roommates, kids, and/or pets (which is to say nothing about the computer, the oven, and the dishwasher), and you’re looking at trying to sleep in a bedroom that’s uncomfortably warm.

The solution here should be easy: all you have to do is unearth the AC window unit or flip on the central air. Only, as you’re thinking of doing either of those things, you casually check your weather app and find out it’s about 55 degrees outside and rapidly dropping. Which makes you feel guilty. Like, do you really want to be the lone house on the block with the air conditioning chugging? Do you want the early morning dog walkers to hear the humming-clanking noise of refrigerated air being pumped into your house as they themselves make their way down the block wearing sweaters and knit caps?

No, of course not! And that’s why you should consider learning to code in order to design an app that takes the temperature of your house’s interior and uses its location, window placement, and insulation to measure the rate at which it will cool down. So you can know what you’re in for.

Or, on the other hand, you could buy these sheets, which feature CoolMax moisture-wicking technology to ensure a comfortable night’s sleep, even if your bedroom’s running a little hot.

Yeah, actually, now that we think about it, that would be a lot easier.