OK, fine, you can't quite charge your phone everywhere.

When we all sit down here at Mediocre Manor to decide what exactly we should say about some doodad, whatzit, or flibbertigibbet we’re selling, the first question we ask ourselves is:

“What’s wrong with this thing?”

Because that’s probably the first question you ask yourselves. And if you beat us to the answer, we look like idiots or ripoff artists. So we poke, we prod, we probe for every possible shortcoming. If there’s a legitimate objection, we have to make it before you do. If there’s a foreseeable misunderstanding, we have to foresee it. Instead of the usual consumer reaction to sales copy - “Come on, it’s not that good” - we’d rather make you think “Jeez, it can’t be that bad.”

In that spirit, we’ve been raking the Innergie mCube Pro Inflight over the coals. A car charger, huh? What if I’m on a plane? Oh, it’s got an EmPower connection. Well, but how about when I get to my hotel room? Huh, there’s an AC cord, too. It’s more versatile than the Innergie we sold that sold out earlier this month, to a bunch of loyal customers who are now cursing themselves for their loyalty.

Eventually, after much shouting, many tears, and some drawing of pistols, we were able to come up with a list of common situations in which the Innergie mCube Pro Inflight would be absolutely useless. So, if you anticipate a sudden need to charge your mobile devices in any of the following situations, your needs would better be met elsewhere:

• Riding your bike
• Walking from your car to your house or hotel
• On that walkway ramp getting on or off an airplane
• On an airplane that doesn’t offer cigarette, EmPower, or AC outlets
• Attending a major sporting event (non-luxury-box seating)
• Hiking
• Mountain climbing
• Caving
• Water skiing
• SCUBA diving
• Hang gliding
• Watersliding
• Fishing
• Noodling
• Hanging suspended in one of those giant spinny ball things, whatever those are called
• On a romantic swan boat ride
• Walking down the aisle at your own wedding
• In the operating room witnessing the birth of your child
• Watching your child’s kindergarten graduation
• Taking a long walk with your husband or wife to talk about how your addiction to charging your mobile devices is tearing your family apart
• Testifying in divorce court