Don't drink the kool-aid.

“Whoops, I spilled some kool-aid powder mix on your linoleum. Sorry, I’ll just hoover it up.”

“You’ll do what?”

“Hoover it up.”

“Is that, like, some British thing?”

“I don’t know. Is it? I thought Hoover was an American company.”

“No, it is. I mean using ‘hoover’ like that. Like a verb. Or just a generic word for vacuum cleaner. You Brits can’t just do that.”

“Can’t we? Why not?”

“Because ‘Hoover’ is a specific brand of vacuum cleaner.”

“But yours is a Hoover.”

“OK, coincidentally. But if I had a Dyson, would you say ‘I’ll dyson it up’?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Exactly! So where do you Brits get off deciding one brand can stand in for the object as a whole?”

“Good question. Would you use this Hoove- sorry, this vacuum cleaner to clean up that artificial grass on the back porch?”

“The astroturf? I guess you could, yeah.”

“Hey, what’s that I smell cooking?”

“Oh, just some rice-a-roni in the crock pot.”

“Over there on your formica counter?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“And what will you do with the leftovers?”

“Probably put them in some tupperware, or in a teflon bowl covered with saran wrap. Maybe I’ll take some to work in my thermos.”

“Makes sense. Hey, how was that trip to Hawaii last month?”

“Oh, it was great. Took the jet-ski out. Did a little rollerblading on the beach. Threw the frisbee around, played some hacky sack. Soaked in the jacuzzi. The usual.”

“Hmm. Sounds fun. Where’s Jennifer?”

“She went to the laundromat, then she was going to run by the store.”

“What is she getting at the store?”

“Some kitty litter, some windex, and some popsicles.”

“How about the kids? What are they up to?”

“Well, Herman made this great sculpture at school with q-tips and popsicle sticks. Gertrude is getting so she can almost beat her old man in ping-pong. She’s learning to tie her shoes - no more velcro! And little Gladys slid right off the slip ‘n’ slide and scraped her knee. Had to put a band-aid on it. I knew she was too young for that thing - she’s barely out of onesies.”

“Right, yeah. Now do you see my point about how common genericized brand names really are?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, nothing. Forget it. This is giving me a headache. Do you have any aspirin?”

“Sorry, I accidentally threw it in the dumpster.”