How do you like to imagine your @JonT?
11We all know @JonT. He is always lurking in the background of the forums with wit, sarcasm, and an endless supply of gifs and photos. But how much do we REALLY know about him?
Honestly, he's a bit of an enigma. Instead of asking him let's just go ahead and make ridiculous and bold assumptions.
In the end, we will allow @JonT to pick his favorite. Whichever one he picks will earn a fantabulous prize from yours truly.
Here's mine from a previous thread..
I like to imagine my @JonT strolling down the lane on an ol' timey Victornian style bicycle sipping on a cup of tea. He reads and writes eloquent poetry while also fencing against the worlds best! During dinner he is the life of the party until he begins to drink his whiskey and begins to scream about war stories and his paranoia sets in.
Or...
He is just happy that he remembered to wear pants this morning. A beard you say?...nope this just my 5 o clock shadow. Now, where did i set my beer? Before i leave today i need to make open promises to random internet people that theyll get "prizes"...I'll show them prizes...Bends down and shits into boxes.
Either or.
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I like to imagine my @jont as a little infant baby, wearing a tiny little meh shirt, right out of the womb with his little @jont beard and glasses and flip flops. His first blanket was actually a macbook air, which is why in adulthood he keeps his mac extremely close to his junk whenever on screen, for Freudian security.
I get the sense that he tends to talk a lot. The conversation probably starts off as interesting, but then 30 minutes in you're like, "Dude, I don't really care which mustache wax is better."
I've always pictured @jont as kind of a gentle giant. The type of guy described by neighbors as quiet and "kept to himself". The type of guy who suddenly stops showing up for work and leaves behind in his cubicle drawers his collection of decapitated intern heads.
I picture him always making a judgemental face at me for liking things he doesn't like.
I imagine mine as a bit of a food snob. Oh wait, no that's real not imagination. Did I do this right?
In a hypothetical conversation, he literally said that he would only eat human if it was a good cut of meat.
@Moose http://shirt.woot.com/offers/its-people?utm_campaign=Commission+Junction+-+10836837&utm_source=Commission+Junction+Publisher+-+3497954&utm_medium=affiliate+-+shirt.woot
My @JonT is lumberjack type with a flannel shirt, barrel chest and is always holding an axe. He has a small wool cap, like a beany but manlier,shortish hair, and a great full beard longer but finely manicured. He speaks with a deep voice and has to buy an oversized key board to fit his huge fingers. He also loves kittens.
@RedHot lumberjack porn. nice.
@marklog HEY! yeah, maybe you're right. I didn't look at like that. or maybe I'm jealous of @JonT
Maybe waiting for the prize was the prize. It's kinda like the line ride (southpark) but even less fun.
http://www.southpark.nl/clips/150815/the-line-ride
@RedHot obviously this comment doesn't go in this thread. I don't know how this happened. I'm special.
My @JonT is an interstellar prospector. In 2013, he and his trusty sidekick Irk (you didn't believe that "troll" story, did you?) discovered a white hole spewing an endless number of speaker docks into this galaxy. But where could they unload infinite speaker docks? Fortunately, an Earthly acquaintance of Irk's (code named "Glen") tipped them off to a secret society known as The Breakfast Octopi, or B.O. The mission of this organization is to spread B.O. to every corner of the planet. The leader (Big B.O.) realized that unlimited cheap speaker docks were the way to achieve the goal (don't ask me how, I'm just the messenger). So @JonT shuttles back and forth between the white hole and Texas, delivering speaker docks, and then spends time on messageboards distracting unsuspecting Earthlings from what is to come. HAIL B.O.!
The nameless one tossed his gun, his ID card, and the last of his money into the sea, wrapped up in a stained handkerchief. Other than the clothes he wore and the weight of his sins, they were the last things that remained of who he was. He watched them sink beneath the waves until they were out of sight. He could never go back to that country again, not now that they knew. His name was now a hundred feet down, a few miles from Monterey. He would never speak it again.
An hour later he stood on Cabrillo, looking not much different than a hiker or drifter who got lost in the state park. He could even fake the American accent well enough. "Cheeseburger, super-sized, fuck you." There was something off in the syllables, but he could get by. He would practice. He flagged down the first car, a beat-up import that smelled like a mobile head shop. The driver inside was unfocused, heavyset.
"Oh, man, did you get lost?"
"Yes, I was going to get a cheeseburger and then could not find my car. It's a hot day. Is this still Garrapata? Can you drive me to the parking lot?"
"Dude, you came clear out of Garrapata. It's, like, back there. It's cool though, I'll drive you back. Karma, you know?"
"Yes, karma."
He eyed the driver closely. The driver was about his height. With a different build, but that should pose little problem.
"Thank you for the ride. What is your name?"
"Jon, dude. That's my name. Don't wear it out!" He laughed.
"Yes, I won't. Where do you travel today, Jon?"
"Oh, I'm just enjoying the coast one last time. I'm moving. Got a job with these website guys in Texas called Meh. Weird shit. The comany that does it is called 'Mediocre', like that's their name. Blew my mind. I got the letter and I was all 'FUCK YEAH!'"
"Yes, so cool, Jon. Where in Texas are you going?"
"Oh, it's, ahh... near Dallas? The letter with the address is in the glove box."
The nameless man reached for his gun instinctively. His gun was at the bottom of the Pacific. It didn't matter. The nameless man didn't need a gun to kill.
Two hours later, another, larger package also sunk to the bottom of the ocean. The nameless man stood on the beach, looking at a new ID card.
"Jon. Hello, I am Jon. Pleased to meet you." he said, smiling. No, Jon was going too far. It sounded fake. He looked again at the card. "Hello, I am Jon T." The new Jon T. grinned. It was a long drive to Dallas, but compared to crossing the Pacific it felt like a quick jaunt. He had a job to do, after all.
"Hello, I am Jon T. Would you like to go for a cheeseburger?"
@Starblind Ha ha ha ha. What a great tale. Now I hunger for a cheeseburger. Fuck yeah. Ha ha ha ah ah ha…
@Starblind plz do GiSHWhES with us again :)
@Starblind
@katylava Well, I dunno. Let me think about it. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Let me think a little harder. HMM. HMM. HMM. Wellll... OK! YES! Yay!
@Starblind YAY!!!
I like to imagine @JonT packing Fukubukoro bags.
@JonT reminds me of a southern gentleman, born a few hundred years too late. I could picture him on a lemonade porch, waxing poetic about the latest release of tennessee whiskey and debating colonial cuisine over cajun style.
Like Colonel Sanders, but less racist and more drunk.
@Thumperchick Eh?
I like to picture @JonT in a tuxedo t-shirt.
@joelmw i was waiting SO long for someone to post or mention this. Bravo!
@studerc I live to serve.
@studerc I'm shocked it took this long!
I think of @JonT as that scruffy and unassuming, but completely likable and relatable, philosophy professor who has a way of explaining things so that they actually make sense.
He's not ostentatiously cool. He just is who he is, but he's fucking brilliant about it. And he says what needs to be said when it needs to be said.
You just wanna spend the night at the bar or walking leisurely as you talk or chatting across the kitchen table with him. And he's down for that. And somehow by the end of the conversation--you're not exactly sure why, but--you feel better about life and more confident in yourself when you're done.
My @JonT is a total dork. I see him playing Dungeons & Dragons (2nd edition - none of this NEXT crap) in a vape-smoke filled basement with friends from high school while arguing over who made the best Doctor & drinking Belgian Tripels. It's a good life.
@march5th00 You're very, very close... except in real life the "friends from high school" are actually stuffed animals.
I picture him in a small dim apartment working on an obsolete Mac with his tummy growling because there is no good in his fridge.
@medz food not good. Damn it.
My @JonT sports ill-fitted leisure suits and drives a Yugo. He enjoys mustache wax and Popluar Mechanics. He's known for his killer brisket, dirty martinis, and stunning rendition of Chumbawamba's Tubthumping. @JonT is the life of the party until his 4th shot of tequila, then all bets are off.
my @jont knits sweaters for small animals out of his own beard hair.
My @JonT has, ever since he first read about them, secretly envied the Donner party, every last one of them, and every time he reminisces about that story, he buys another Shun knife. His dream is to direct a movie about it that brings a truly honest, brutally sympathetic viewpoint to the story, or perhaps a Broadway musical, and has already started writing the episode of "Maybe It Bothers Me More Than It Should" in which Irk explains that it's a perfectly natural thing for any group of friends who run out of gas late at night on a Texas highway hours and hours from any civilization. He chuckled when he read @katylava's comment above, thinking, "You bet I judge my friends on their taste."
@editorkid It is a perfectly natural thing to discuss.
PS It has been unanimously agreed that my husband would be gamey but I would probably be delicious.
@bakeyoural I didn't say "to discuss," but then, he doesn't really run out of gas either.
@editorkid I feel like "ew" is an appropriate response.
I think... if it's not too late... @JonT is one of the ones to sit back and watch the fun... someone to pop in and stir the pot when it starts to calm down... With a good beer in one hand and his IBM Model M at his side... He's tried tinkering with things but only breaks them. His Meh stash is piled up in a corner half Jenga style, half Cat playtoy. He also has 6 cats, cause 7 would be vulgar. Also a sick sense of humor... Named the cats based upon what he was eating at the time, there's General Tso, Twice Baked, Sesame, Double stuffed, Ben, and Jerry.