Garadise 5,200 or 10,400 mAh Power Bank

  • Like the power of love, it might just save your life
  • Choose between the Compact I (5200 mAh capacity, 1.5 Amp output) or the Compact II (bigger 10400 mAh capacity and 2.1 Amp output)
  • The same brushed aluminum they put on them fancy Macs
  • The name “Garadise” is garidiculous
  • Model: PBO3 (or is it PB03? We can’t tell by looking at it, but neither one returns any results anyway)
see more product specs

Nice lifestyle you got there. Be a shame if anything happened to it.

Hoo boy. Power banks. Well, we called it yesterday: something boring. Useful, but boring. They keep your devices alive. They’re available in two different sizes, the cheaper, smaller-capacity 5200 mAh one and the larger-capacity, faster-charging 10400 mAh one.

Their brand name, Garadise, conjures images of a hairy-chested, medallion-wearing '70s lothario named Gary smirking to the ladies, “Welcome to Garadise.” It’s evidently supposed to stand for “gadget paradise”, which is only marginally less cheesy.

Our favorite thing about these power banks has to be the Garadise “About Us” page, which warns:

“If you can’t charge your phone before sending that last email, you might just lose your job. Or will your boss even notice? What happens if you miss that call from your girlfriend or boyfriend that leads him or her to believe you’re seeing someone on the side? We have you covered!” And then, for some reason, they repeat it almost word-for-word further down the page.

We love intentionally over-the-top hysteria as a sales pitch. But they stop when they’re just getting started.

What if you have a winning lottery ticket but you don’t know because you can’t check the numbers on your dead phone? What if you can’t get the text warning you about that toxic waste spill just around the bend in the highway? What if you’re the President and your phone runs out of power during a crisis and you can’t call Vladimir Putin back and so he gets mad and there’s a global nuclear war?

Nice try, Garadise. You started to sketch out some broad scenarios whereby someone’s life could suffer from lack of a power bank. But if you really want to terrify us, you’re going to have to rhetorically lay waste to human civilization itself.

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Who's buying this crap?

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