WTFrick

We can’t tell what’s going on with the company that makes these Bluetooth earbuds — FRESHeTECH. The earbuds themselves are fine, especially at this price, but on the official FRESHeTECH Amazon page for them they have this weird rating system appended to one of the images:

What the frick?

OK, fine, they created their own rating system for their own products. OK, fine, the “Flawless” rating is not the highest rating. OK, fine, they gave their own product effectively a 3/4 rating. But upon which of their other products did they bestow their coveted “Life-Changing” rating?

We dug around on their Amazon “store” to find out, and this is where it gets weird.

It turns out that FRESHeTECH only sells 7 products: Two portable Bluetooth speakers, this utterly confusing solar-powered Bluetooth speaker/light/Protoss pylon, 2 vacuum sealing systems (which makes the “FRESH” in “FRESHeTECH” make a certain kind of sense), 1 beach chair, and, if that wasn’t out of place enough, a 24-pack of yerba mate for $72.

What the actual frick?

Oh, right, and they don’t use the “Good/Great/Flawless/Life-Changing” rating system on any of those other products. Which means they invented their own rating system, applied it to a single product, and didn’t give it the highest rating.

What in the name of Frick is going on?

Our guess is that “FRESHeTECH” isn’t really a manufacturer at all, but rather a deep-sea retailer like us who filters the commerce underbelly for random, cheap detritus. We assume they started with the bag sealers (thus the name), then “pivoted” to Bluetooth electronics.

The confounding “Good/Great/Flawless/Life-Changing” system was possibly created by the original manufacturer (who also possibly created the astronaut logo which appears on none of their other products) and it tagged along in the product photos.

Possibly.

Or this universe is a simulation created the confuse and torture us, and we should stop worrying about it and try to enjoy some music with these earbuds before the simulation is halted. Who the frick knows.