A Meh-rathon of Sweet Meh-mories

This is an EasySlice 5-Piece Knife Set. You either know what that is, or can jump in the forum to ask other people about it.

Why aren’t we giving you more info? Well, we weren’t sure what to write for the Meh-rathon so we decided to look at some past Meh write-ups for inspiration. (You can find a random one here, if you want.) Unfortunately, all that did was make us nostalgic and maybe a little teary-eyed. And then the boss was all “Where’s the write-ups, writer dude?” and we panicked and… uhh… Please enjoy this classic write-up about an entirely different product! Also, feel free to share in the forum if you find one you liked or forgot about or missed entirely.

BONUS FEATURE: Today’s product copy includes a commentary track by legendary copywriter and convicted Blu-ray counterfeiter Jason Toon. This candid peek behind Jason’s curtain is for serious Blu-ray buffs only!

You don’t have to be a big Hollywood mogul to enjoy cinema-grade video and surround sound in your own home. This Philips Blu-ray Home Theater System brings blockbuster entertainment to cinemaphiles on a budget.

JASON: I know, pretty lame. My original script began with a jet-ski chase over Niagara Falls, leading into a battle between two sea monsters. But of course, the studio bean-counters said we didn’t have the budget for it. And that this wasn’t a movie. Damn suits.

High-definition 1080p video brings out every nuance in crisp, lifelike detail. And the 24fps frame rate preserves the cinematic quality of film, and the artistic vision of the filmmaker.

JASON: See that special twinkle on the leading lady’s eyes in this shot? That’s an old filmmaking trick: you smear Vaseline on the eyeballs. It looks so perfect, it’s worth the searing pain. It seems to hurt, anyway. I wouldn’t know myself.

Five satellite speakers and a subwoofer create an immersive 5.1-channel sound field that really puts you in the center of the action. With Dolby TrueHD and Dolby Digital Plus, you’ll hear every leaf rustle and feel every explosion.

JASON: Oh, God, this scene. Tell you the truth, I was having a really shitty day. First they hadn’t restocked the bar in my trailer, so I had to make do with Nyquil and Sprite. Then it turned out it wasn’t even my trailer and my neighbor hassled me for getting drunk in the PODS unit he’d rented. That’s showbiz, man.

Don’t forget streaming video. Connect this Philips Blu-ray player to your home Wi-Fi network to enjoy services such as Vudu, Netflix, and Blockbuster on your TV, along with streaming music, Internet radio, and more. (Some services require additional paid subscriptions, not included.)

JASON: Look really closely at that mirror in the background. That’s a reflection of me nude. I can’t work encumbered.

A galaxy of high-impact entertainment options come alive in your home with this Philips Blu-ray Home Theater System. It does everything but make the popcorn!

JASON: We were going to end with a really sharp monologue about race in America, and abortion, and gun control, and income inequality, skewering the absurdities of our current political discourse in a way that brought all sides together and pointed the way for us to reconcile these differences and move forward as a nation. But it was too long, so we went with this.