Dreametech T10 Cordless Stick Vacuum Cleaner
- A cheaper-than-a-Dyson alternative for cheaper than it is elsewhere
- Powerful suction and solid battery life (are things the product copy promises)
- Attachments to build up or break down the vacuum as needed
- Can it make a margarita: No, but with the money you’ll save on not buying a Dyson, your margarita fund will be in great shape
Crumbs Be Gone
World domination in 9 easy steps
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Build a daily deal site.
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Sell it to an e-commerce giant to establish your end goal as wealth and nothing more.
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Build a new daily deal site that is the same as the old daily deal site, though with its cheeky name inverted. With the original being an expression of excitement, the new one will celebrate its own mediocrity. This builds a sense of humility into your brand.
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Offer many different things including, on rare occasions, food items. This is important, both the establishment as a peddler of edible products and the relative infrequency: you must establish foodstuffs as something that is neither unheard of nor suspiciously common.
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As time goes on, slowly begin selling more and more food items, focusing especially on those that produce crumbs. Breakfast bars, granola bars, cereal, biscotti, cookies, cheese puffs, chips–the more likely it is to burst into a million pieces upon the initial instance of mastication, showering the floors with debris, the better. (Once again, though, it is important to control the suspicion; sprinkle in other food items, such as jerky, that are not particularly crumb-producing.)
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Begin offering vacuums with greater regularity. Make sure they fit the core principles of your brand: well-reviewed budget-friendly models for even cheaper than can be found elsewhere. Powerful suction is a must. A good runtime is great. Additionally, a number of attachments allowing one to break down and build up the vacuum will go a long way in establishing the product in question as merely a fantastic deal rather than part of a broader conspiracy.
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Trap customers in a cycle. You sell them the items that cause messes and require vacuuming while also selling them the thing to rectify this issue: vacuums.
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Figure out this step later.
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Achieve world domination!
