Cuisinart Custom Select 4-Slice Stainless Toaster

  • You know how bread is all soft and not warm?
  • Not anymore, baby!
  • A bunch of buttons and two separate dials to control toasty-ness
  • Can it make a margarita? No, but if you pour all of the margarita ingredients into it, it can make a cocktail known as the Blown Fuse
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Just Toast

Do we overvalue the concept of being multi-talented?

Like, we marvel at the pop star who does woodworking. We ooh and ahh at the award-winning actor who releases a cookbook. We stare wide-eyed in disbelief at the young athlete capable of going pro in more than one sport.

But, in reality, who fucking cares?

We’re gonna listen to the music and we’re probably never gonna sit in the ornate wooden chairs. And we’re gonna watch the movies and maybe even buy the cookbook; then, when it comes time to actually make dinner, we’re gonna get a recipe from a respected food blog. And as for the aforementioned athlete, let’s be honest: they’re often choosing whether they want to be a star in one league or a semi-helpful reserve in the other.

Really, we should celebrate the people who say, “Nah, I’m not gonna expand my repertoire. I’m gonna do one thing, and I’m going to do it really well.” Products, too. Like the toaster.

In the field of kitchen appliances–a field crowded with products that claim x-in-1 capability, products that boast secondary function upon secondary function, most of which you’ll never use–the toaster stands alone in its singular focus.

What does it do? It toasts bread. What else does it do? It toasts bagels (also bread), English muffins (also bread), frozen waffles (also bread), and toaster pastries (bread with goo in the middle). Any attempts to “hack” the toaster to do more than toasting would likely be discouraged by your physician and/or fire marshal.

It’s admirable, right? To see such a stern refusal to branch out?

Now, with all that being said, not all toasters are created equal. There is, for example, the cheap-o toaster that you sometimes find in a hotel room, capable of two modes: “total char” or “somehow softer and colder than before.” And then there is this one, from Cuisinart, with four slots, a number of buttons corresponding to different toast-able items, and two separate temperature dials, so you can make toast for you and your partner, even if you have different toasty-ness preferences.

Also, it looks nice on the counter. And that’s important.

So get one, and toast some sliced bread (or other kinds of bread).

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