A Trite Allegory

Mirror mirror, on the wall,
Why this discount, after all?

Hi there nerd, who loves an IRK.
Maybe it’s a website perk?

I don’t mean this rude or mean.
But perks seem few and far between…

*Okay fine. I’ve heard. You’ve spoken.
*The box is just a little broken…”

So yeah. It’s a box situation. Again.

Which is really one of the best ways to score a deal. Because unless you’re one of those weirdo Millennials who still owns every box to every Apple product they’ve owned since 2010, you really don’t need to give a damn about about a box.

Besides, isn’t there something marginally poetic about a lovely and otherwise perfect vanity mirror arriving in a slightly damaged package? After all, aren’t we all lovely and perfect as well, but also riding around in our imperfect meat suits that are just a little worse for the wear after a lifetime of hard knocks?

This box ended up a little banged up, presumably after warehouse shenanigans. Maybe some office manager thought that forklift certifications were nonsense and figured he could move the pallet of mayonnaise jars without dragging the pointy edge along the palette of vanity mirrors. (He could, apparently, not.)

But just as the mayonnaise pallet of life has been dragged across each of our otherwise pristine and unsullied faces, so too can there be great value in this LED vanity mirror in a gently mangled box.

Then when it arrives (and you look past the disrepair of the package, probably thinking “yeah I’ve seen worse from Meh…”), you can set up your mirror and gaze knowingly at the imperfectly perfect visage that is you.

After all, you rule. Mayonnaise scars and all.

And besides, if you happen to live with someone who is unironically attractive, well, they’ll probably enjoy this, too. Also, congratulations for hitting above your weight class out there. You always make us proud.