Buyer, Beware

What’s your Halloween costume this year? You could buy 3 bags of candy corn and go as the "Person Who Likes Candy Corn.” You could buy 6 bags and go as the "Person Who Likes Candy Corn So Much They’re Wearing Nothing But Underwear Made Out Of Candy Corn.” Or you could buy 50 bags and go as the scariest character of all, the “Meh.com Buyer Who Bought Way Too Much Candy Corn And Keeps Trying Sell It.”

That’s right, you could play the role of a Meh.com product buyer by convincing yourself that purchasing way too much candy corn is a good idea. Children will scatter in fright as they see you lumbering down the sidewalk dragging garbage bags full of the seasonal confection, waving a knife at and screaming at them to buy your “knife and melted candy corn bundle.”

(Oh right, even though summer is over your candy corn might still arrive melted into one solid mass. How spooooOOOOOooky)

Like the Ghost Of Marley dragging the chains you forged in life, your costume will act as a solemn warning to others. “Take heed, o ye who would in avarice horde autumnal sweets!” Your costume will tell others. “Which means, like, don’t buy too much candy corn or you’ll end up like me, looking like a fool.” It will clarify in response to the children’s blank faces.

The plight of the Meh.com Buyer Who Bought Way Too Much Candy Corn And Keeps Trying Sell It is indeed a wretched one. Laughed at in forums. Cast aside by the world. Forced to spend every day in lonely contemplation of how you’re going to move your excess inventory after Halloween. Your costume would send a chill through the heart of any man.

Indeed, they say that if you shut off all the lights in the warehouse on a full moon and light a circle of five candles and chant thrice “Candy Corn Buyer” that his face will appear from the darkness and say, “Yeah that was me. What happened to the lights? Is there a wind storm or something? Maybe a power line got knocked down. Well … I’m gonna grab something from Whataburger. You want anything?"

So take up this guise of this macabre figure. Buy 50 bags of candy corn and know firsthand his torment. If you DARE.