Look Inside

I gotta say, I just love having this Canary View HD Indoor Home Security Camera! You know why? Because I can check in with what my dog is doing while I’m at work!

Just look: there’s my living room in stunning HD. I can stream it 24/7 on my phone via the app. Or I can set up motion notifications, so I know to check if something within the frame moves. Not that I’ll be getting one of those anytime soon! After all, my little buddy is happily curled up on the couch most of the day, doing absolutely noth–

Oh, huh. He’s getting up. I wonder where he’s going?

Here he is! Right back to the couch! Except he has one of my shirts? He’s putting it on? Now he’s setting up a phone? On a tripod? Whose phone is that, if mine’s right here? And how did he get a tripod?

He seems to be recording a TikTok under the user name of… “Stupid_Human_Dog_Owner”?

He’s got a Lifetime movie on? And he’s pretending to cry? WTF, Rex?! I was in a vulnerable place when I watched that… last night. And the night before that. And the night before that. It’s been a rough few months, okay? Anything can trigger the waterworks these days.

Oh gosh, he’s uploading his video now. Looks like he’s typing in some tags. Hashtag-stupid-human. Hashtag-emotional-wreck. Hashtag-thinks-himself-a-superior-creature-but-has-to-look-at-what-the-neighbors-put-out-to-know-if-it’s-recycling-week-or-not.

Jeez, it’s already racking up views!

Oh, wait, that’s another feature of this thing. You can talk through it. Like this:

Rex! Stop it! No mocking me for social media fame! Bad dog!

Crap! He appears to have recorded me saying that. Now he’s remixing it. And uploading it to Soundcloud. How does it have a million streams already? Did he just license it for an Acura commercial?

Well, anyway, good thing I have this camera! Otherwise, I never would’ve realized this stuff was happening. And that would’ve been bad… I guess.

[Editor’s Note: your ability to read your dog’s rude hashtags may vary based on angle, camera placement, and phone screen size.]