Let’s get it right this time, shall we?

She smiles nervously—skeptical. (Understandably so. Your track record…is what it is.)

It’s the kind of box that good presents come in, to be sure. But you’re not a person who gives good presents.

Well-intentioned ones? Definitely.

Backhandedly thoughtful but ultimately off the mark? For sure.

But…good? Yeah, no. “Good” is a stretch.

Not to judge too harshly based on limited information, but you clearly saw today’s deal and immediately started doing the romantic math on how to woo your significant other with an impulse purchase from a website that will also sell you overstock Bluetooth speakers and $5 bags of actual nonsense.

It doesn’t suggest a pattern of good decision making, is all we’re saying.

Anyway, back to the thing. You’re awkwardly fumbling this box across the table at some lovely person who is willing to overlook all of your obvious and persistent flaws of style and character for the sake or preserving whatever unlikely bond you two have managed to forge amid the swirling chaos and rudderless despair of modern life.

As the great reveal approaches, gone is the usual mental montage of personal flashbacks, and bewildered reactions to ill-conceived gifts of the past. Your brain has the luxury of instead remembering that scene in Pretty Woman where a young Richard Gere (who was actually a pretty old Richard Gere) did that charming snap-the-box-shut thing that, no, you aren’t suave enough to pull off just yet.

Man, this story is taking a long time to get there. Onward then.

So you’re fat-fingering this badly-wrapped box between a plate of mozzarella sticks and a sad fajita platter and all we’re trying to say is that for once you’re going to win at gifting with this wonderful person who is still willing to give you the benefit of the doubt as a functioning romantic partner 15 minutes before last call at Applebee’s.

Because guess what, slugger?

She’s going to love these diamond earrings.

They’re classic, tasteful, and iconic. Like Audrey Hepburn, or 2-for-1 sizzlin’ potato skins with boneless wings in your choice of sauce.

They’re also—how can we say this delicately—legit. They aren’t merely diamond-like. They aren’t diamond adjacent. They’re not manufactured diamonds or diamond-inspired or diamondz with a suspicious Z.

They’re real. Damn. Diamonds.

Frankly, the only way you can screw this up is if you pair them with an Instant Regret Kit that happens to bear the size and shape of a matching necklace.

Whatever occasion you have coming up, buy these suckers. If nothing else, keep them on hand as a backup the next time one of your trademark thoughtful gifts go awry.

It happens to the best of us, after all.

And hey, diamonds don’t fix everything…but they fix a lot.