Breo iSee 3S Electronic Temple and Eye Massager with Heat
- A little heat and a little massage to relax your eyes and also the rest of you
- Plays soothing music too
- Did we mention it vibrates
- Is it Mac compatible: No, there is absolutely no way your Mac can send messages into this thing
Block It Out
Hello. Welcome to modern life. Let me introduce you to everyone.
These four in the corner over here are the ads you see while streaming. No, not ‘some’ ads. ‘The’ ads. You opted to save a little bit of money by going with the cheaper subscription, thinking, eh, who cares about the commercials? After all, they’ve been a part of television-watching for your entire life. What you didn’t realize was that the ads you see streaming are actually just the same four ads over and over and over and over, and now you feel as though you know Flo from the Progressive better than certain members of your immediate family.
These two are a quirky pair, aren’t they? That one there is a news article from a reliable source (don’t look too close, though, because wow, is it depressing!), whereas that one is the ad at the bottom of said article, telling you about the sexy cardiologist hated by other medical professionals for sharing certain previously unspoken secrets of heart health.
Over here is the commute. No, do not attempt to shake the commute’s hand, because it needs BOTH! HANDS! ON! THE! WHEEL! if it’s going to get through rush hour without a fender bender. If you can believe it, this bundle of stress and frustration and wasted time left us briefly while many of us worked from home. But despite the fact that we all got our work done, we now must return full-time to the office because otherwise, managers won’t be able to feel as important as they once did. So we welcomed the commute back with open arms. (The commute did not return the embrace, though. Remember: BOTH! HANDS! ON! THE! WHEEL!)
Those two over there, who look like identical twins? The one on the right is anxiety that AI will take over your job. The one on the left, meanwhile, is anxiety that AI won’t take over your job, and you’ll be forced to keep doing it for the rest of your life.
Doesn’t it all just make you want to claw your eyes out?
Well, don’t do that. You need your eyes. Put on one of these Breo iSee 3S Electronic Temple and Eye Massagers. It’ll apply a little bit of heat and some gentle soothing pressure so you can relax and not see anything bad or stupid for a few minutes. It’ll even play some peaceful music to block out all the noise.
Sounds nice, right? So why not get one today, and block out modern life for a little while? Just, maybe don’t wear it during your commute if you’re the one driving.
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