Buy the best juicer money can buy (not this one).

Do you love juice? Do you love juice more than money? Then you need the Tribest Slowstar. This single-auger, 47RPM marvel quietly and thoroughly yields maximal juice nutrition from anything it touches. And we’re not just talking easy stuff like oranges and pineapples. You’ll be amazed at how much liquid you can get out of a carrot or a bunch of kale when you use a really premium juicer like the Tribest Slowstar.

That’s not the juicer we’re selling today.

If you filled a Cadillac full of Dom Perignon, it would be the Tribest Slowstar of cars-full-of-booze. Get a second job if you have to. Sell your plasma. Sell your body. Suffer whatever indignity you must to raise the $380 for it. If you truly appreciate juice, you’ll forget all about your suffering with the very first sip.

We are not selling that juicer. We’re selling a cheap one.

We’ve kind of painted ourselves into a corner with all these low prices. We know you guys. We know what kind of crowd we’re dealing with here. So here’s the best juicer we could find for fifteen bucks.

The Black & Decker Juice Extractor is louder, less productive, less efficient, less durable, and in every possible way inferior to the Tribest Slowstar. That juicer is truly a wonder of juicing technology. This is just a decent juicer. But we know which one you’re probably going to buy.