BioBidet LW-1000 Heated Bidet Seat with Night Light & Warm Air Dryer

  • “Oscillating and massaging modes” sounds real nice!
  • Adjust the water pressure, temperature, and nozzle position
  • Heated seat and a warm dryer, ooh-la-la
  • Lights up the bowl so you never miss (or fall in!)
  • Can it make margaritas: any joke we make here will be way too gross
see more product specs

Butt How!

“Cruthers, I have to say, you’ve really impressed me recently. I mean, you’ve always been a great employee, but the numbers you’ve been doing these past few months? Amazing! I gotta ask, what’s gotten into you?”

“Well, to answer that question quite literally, boss: it’s water.”

“Ah, hydration! So important!”

“No, I mean water through the other end.”

“Wait, what?”

“You see, boss, as far as I can tell, you can’t sit down with a clear mind ready to work if you don’t first clear your butthole.”

“Um, Cruthers, I think maybe–”

“That’s why I got a BioBidet Elongated Heated Bidet Toilet Seat. Now, every time I have a particularly sloppy AM BM, I can get a nice warm rinse. Because you have to make sure there’s no number two down there if you want to be number one in sales.”

“Uh, okay, but maybe we shouldn’t–”

“Shouldn’t what? Rely on dry paper for the removal of our excrement? Couldn’t agree more, boss!”

“That’s enough, Cruthers.”

“No, it’s not enough. You need the cleaning power of water to get deep into your butt.”

“I don’t want to have to HR involved here, Cruthers.”

“An HR is already involved: a hygienic rear!”

“That’s not what HR stands for.”

“A ‘Heinie rejuvenated’?”


“‘Hind-quarters refreshed’?”


“‘Healthy rectum’?”

“Cruthers, just back to work.”

“You got it, boss!”

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