Solid as a naturally occurring aggregate of minerals.

In compliance with the Chinese government’s ban on puns to prevent “cultural and linguistic chaos,” we have excised all wordplay, double meanings, fun, and other forms of degenerate bourgeois ambiguity from the sales copy for these Chinese-made (we assume) speakers.

Who’s ready to enjoy listening to popular music? If you can’t live without electrically amplified compositions performed by a small group of musicians, here are some speakers that really offer satisfactory performance!

Their weather-resistant enclosures and their visual resemblance to dense, heterogenous accretions of naturally occurring solids make these speakers well-suited for outdoor listening. Simply run some wire to them from your audio source. In rain, wind, and snow, the 5.25" woofers and 0.5" tweeters will keep on emitting soundwaves.

For those about to respond pleasurably to a strongly rhythmic musical style derived from the folk idioms of the American South and the British Isles, we raise our hands and touch our outstretched fingers to our brows in a gesture of respect! Now we’re heading out to the patio to break in our new speakers with our favorite recordings by the Rolling Sto- uh, we mean, a widely known, highly regarded band formed by Sir Michael Philip Jagger and Keith Richards in the suburbs of London in 1961. Should be a lot of fun!