AICOK Slow Masticating Cold Press Juicer

  • Slow is good!
  • The low RPM motor allows whatever you’re juicing to retain its nutritional value
  • Less than 60 decibels (aka, it works quietly)
  • What’s the mystery here: there is none, so if you want something more mysterious, maybe check out our random shirt sale on Mediocritee, where you can get 2 shirts for just $12
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Not a Juicero

Remember the Juicero? If you don’t, a quick refresher: it was a “juicer” that “made juice” from juice packets. The product cost a lot of money… and was entirely superfluous, as it was discovered you could easily squeeze the juice out of the packets by hand.

We bring this up for two reasons. The first: man, we need more stupid controversies like that, don’t we? C’mon! A company building a 700-dollar piece of machinery to squeeze little bags? That’s so funny! And such a great palate cleanser to all the actual terrible shit that is happening constantly.

The other reason we mention this is because we are the exact company you’d expect to sell a Juicero in 2022. And friends, believe us: this is NOT a Juicero.

No packets necessary. Instead, you just feed your fruits and vegetables directly into it. You know, like a normal juicer. Its low RPM engine goes to work slowly so the resulting liquid retains the nutritional value of whatever you put in. (Although, we should clarify: ‘slow’ here means slow like, ‘not as fast as a blender.’ It’s not the juicer equivalent of a ‘slow cooker’ where you put in a few carrots before work and they’re done juicing by 6pm.)

That same low RPM engine also helps with the volume. We’re talking about a noise output of less than 60 decibels here. Highlighting that might make you roll your eyes. After all, who cares, right? But then again, with a lot of these machines, juicing some beets can make your kitchen sound like a fucking carpenter’s shop, so actually, it’s kind of important.

What we’re saying is: it makes good juice quietly. And it costs a lot less than a Juicero ever did.

Which, again, just to be clear: this is NOT a Juicero!

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