How To Jumpstart Your Business By Buying A Bunch Of Batteries

Here at Sean University, we pride ourselves on building the leaders of tomorrow’s great businesses today (by end of business). And with this completely organic and not at all subsidized lesson, we’re putting the power to succeed in your hands. Take a look:

Where I’m from, there’s a common saying:

“Batteries are like potato chips; you can’t have just one. Unless you’re dealing with something that only requires only one potato chip, in which case, you don’t want to use more than one potato chip, because if you shove more than one potato chip into a one-potato-chip-sized space, you risk crushing one or more potato chips. And it’s the same with batteries, but a little different, because of electricity.”

Not only is this saying poignant and easy-to-remember; it’s true, especially in the world of commerce! To prove it, here are three reasons why 192 batteries are exactly what you need to build a better business:

1. They’re more valuable than candy: A lot of places have mints or lollipops out for you to take as you leave, but candy is fleeting. Put out a bowl of batteries and show your customers you care by giving them something that lasts for more than a few minutes! (What else is cool is you can encourage customers to bring flashlights to put them in, and then you don’t have to pay for lights in your parking lot, thus offsetting the cost of batteries vs. candy.)

2. You can glue them together into miniature illustrative rafts: You know what’s annoying? When you’re schmoozing with clients or investors and you’ve got a killer rafting metaphor to drop on them, only you don’t know what their regional word for “raft” is. For example, maybe they call them river-ride-ons or flatty-floaties. So, here’s what you do: you take your 192 batteries and split them into groups of three. You glue these together so they sort of look like log rafts. Then, you put one little “raft” in every shirt, pant, and blazer pocket in your wardrobe. Now you’ll never be without a little raft to pull out and be like, “You know, rafts,” in case there’s a misunderstanding. (NOTE: you still may need to move the little battery raft like it’s going down a river and make splashy noises to really hammer the point home.)

3. You can use them to power all the remotes in your universal remote store: If you’ve ever owned and operated a universal remote store, you know there’s an excited look potential buyers get in their eyes after you finish up explaining what each button does on a given model. It means: enough rundown, more thumb down. In other words, they need to see it in action or else you’re only selling them on the dream. By having 192 batteries around, you ensure that each remote is ready to point and punch at a moment’s notice. (Special bonus points if you make it so that, when you turn one of the demo TVs on, there’s a super sexy person on the screen saying, “Wow, I love someone who knows their way around a remote.”)

That concludes our lesson for today. But if you’d like to offer up some of your own propbably less ingenious ways in which 192 batteries will help you succeed in business, our forums are open!