High Intensity

A little while ago, I was at the local coffee shop and noticed something new in the drink cooler. The packaging made me think it might be a delicious motor-oil-thick imperial stout or maybe a luscious, creamy hazy IPA.

Then, I read the label.

What was it? A big old can of water. For a stupidly expensive price.

And the brand name of that water? The ever-inviting ‘Liquid Death’!

Basically, everything about this brand is just as aggressive as its name. These electrolyte packets are called Death Dust. The flavors are Severed Lime, Convicted Melon, and Mango Chainsaw. Then, on the bottom of each one, it says, “Murder Your Thirst.” And on the back, it says, “Suck The Rotting Eyeballs Out Of The Moldering Carcass Of Your Dehydration.”

Okay, fine. I made that last one up. (Call me if you need some copywriting, Liquid Death!)

So let’s get down to the facts. They’re packets to deliver a payload of electrolytes and vitamins to help you recover after a grueling workout, a few too many drinks the night before, or just one of those days where you get to noon and realize you’ve had roughly six ounces of water all day. 35 calories each. 8 grams of sugar.

And apparently, according to a review on the manufacturer’s website titled “It can replace liquid IV”, they taste good:

Flavors taste accurate instead of overly processed and it’s not overly sweet like Gatorade.

Of course, here comes the part where we remind you that this stuff is a functional beverage and therefore “tastes good” is relative. I wouldn’t expect it to be as nice as a cocktail crafted by an expert mixologist. But neither does the vitamin-C supplement I drink when I feel a cold coming on. And the tea I drink when I need a mild laxative isn’t as delicious as a chai latte, either. But it works.

And so will this stuff.

Anyway, buy some and tell us how it tastes in the comments. Seriously, we want to know.