4-Pack: Wicked Cutz Premium Jerky
- We’ve sold this before. People liked it. We’re selling it again. We hope you like it again.
- Flavors include: BBQ Mesquite Beef Jerky, Old Fashioned Maple Bacon Jerky, Original Peppered Beef Jerky, Wild Child Edible Shampoo Ostrich Jerky, Siracha Bacon Jerky, and Volcanic Jalapeno Beef Jerky.
- Can you guess the fake flavor?
- Models: WCBJ03BM, WCPJ02MA, WCBJ03PB, WCPJ03SR, WCBJ03VJ. Although, should we say “Product Number” for these sorts of sales? Model Number sounds so tech-y. It’s not like they’re going to release a patch for any of these… or are they?! (They’re not. That wouldn’t make sense.)
Howdy-ho, fuckheads! The big game is tonight, but here in the Meh community the who-sucks-the-most contest appears to be ongoing. Seriously, we’re selling cured meat today, but what we’d really love is cure this place of its disease: the disease of total LAMENESS. But alas, as long as you smelly dweebs keep farting out your stupid thoughts all over our forums, there appears there’s nothing that can be done.
Our hope is, since you’re dumb as dogs, maybe you’ll be as food-motivated as they are. That’s why were selling jerky today. This meat is as dehydrated as your Mountain Dew-addled peanut-sized minds, yet still tender and delicious. Think of the best restaurant you’ve ever been to? What is it, an Applebee’s? Well, this is better than that. So gobble up, ass-cards. You don’t deserve it, but you can have it anyway.
Members of the Meh community, I’d like to apologize for the above rudeness. There was a bit of a misunderstanding. You see, while reviewing my tasks for the weekend, I saw “complete jerky write-up.” So I set down to compose a write-up that was completely and utterly jerky. It is only now, just as the sale has gone live, that I am realizing my mistake. Unfortunately, since we do not have a backup write-up prepared, this one will have to remain.
I hope you will accept my apology. To make up for any hurt feelings I’ve caused, I’m offering this jerky at… well, actually the exact same price as last time. I mean, c’mon. We got a bottom line to meet here!
The [likely soon-to-be former] Meh Copywriter