Too late It’s over

36" Imperial Pearl Station Necklace

A 36" necklace with 17 freshwater pearls, each ranging from 5-9mm
“36 inches is way too big for a necklace!” You may say, to which we reply, “It’s supposed to be doubled up, per the pictures!”
Last time we sold these someone complained that they received 1 necklace instead of 2, so we’ll reiterate: You double it up so it has the appearance of 2 necklaces
It’s stranded with sterling silver and rhodium, but you can omit the rhodium part if you’re giving it as a gift (and you won’t technically be lying)
An appraisal report for $299 is included, though that’s mostly for insurance purposes
665653/FW36 (A single model number that looks like 2 model numbers for a single necklace that looks like 2 necklaces? Brilliant)

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Something Festive This Way Comes

HO HO HO! What a lovely stocking stuffer this freshwater pearl necklace would make!

That’s right: HO freakin’ HO. We don’t care if it’s October. We don’t care that Halloween hasn’t even happened. You’re going to take our holiday cheer and you’re going to like it. You’re going to listen to us tell you why this pearl necklace would make a great stocking stuffer for someone special in your life and you’re going to listen good.

What, you think it’s too early for us to start pushing Christmas presents? We haven’t said jack about gift-giving since Father’s Day, and that was 4 months ago. The gift giving dry season is over, suckers. You better stuff these pearls in some stockings or there’ll be hell to pay.

It’s time to shape up or ship out. Either way we’ll be shipping out some freakin’ pearls to your address so you can give them to that special someone. Are we making ourselves clear?

Her eyes will light up when she sees this extra-long 36" strand of freshwater pearls. That’s not a suggestion.

Oh boo hoo, you think the holidays have crept earlier each year and are “too commercialized.” But if corporate-spawned holidays like Valentine’s Day and Father’s Day didn’t exist, you’d never give presents. Think about it, did you give someone a gift in the last 4 months “just because”? Of course not, you selfish monster. You need these holidays to remind you that other people exist.

We’re doing this for your own good. We’re hard on you because we love you. If we didn’t force you to take other peoples’ feelings into consideration, you never would And then nobody would care about you or love you ever again. You’d die alone if it weren’t for us pushing these pearls on you.

You’re welcome.

Now get your complaining out of the way, pull that credit card out, and show someone special how much you care.

We said: Show. Them. How. Much. You. Care.