But don't throw your old pillows away.

Now these are some pillows right here, boy. From the 350-thread-count damask stripe cotton cover to the hypoallergenic down-alternative fiberfill, they’ll give your accommodations the luxe feel of that hotel Don Pardo always used to plug toward the end of Saturday Night Live. A four-pack is all you need to keep your guests resting in plush comfort…

…Until they overstay their welcome. When you start to tire of their company, just discreetly replace these nice, fresh pillows with your old, clapped-out, mysteriously stained ones.

An uncomfortable night or two on those babies oughtta be enough to jog your lodgers’ memories about the comforts of home, or at least of other friends and relations they can impose on. What’s that, Uncle Gary? Your neck is sore? Maybe it would be more comfortable in your own bed.

Like Poor Richard said, fish and visitors smell after three days. And, as your fishy visitors will soon find out, so do pillows.