Sleeve It To The Pros

Eric sat eating cereal looking at his phone when Dale came in.

“Slept in a little bit,” Eric said, without looking up.

“Yeah,” Dale said. “Shift doesn’t start until eleven today. Was able to catch a few extra winks.” He poured himself some cereal and sat across the table. “Whatcha looking at?” he asked, indicating Eric’s phone with his spoon.

“Oh, well, you know International Reports?” Eric said.

“Do I ever?” Dale said, perking up. “Which one you looking at? The one with about screen time? Dude, I can’t unsee the photos! Those poor kids. Barely twelve years old, and full beards, gray hair. It’s pathetic that our congressman hasn’t said anything. And believe me, he knows! I’ve been calling!”

“What? No–” Eric said.

“Oh, so the almond milk one, then,” Dale said. “And to think, I used to drink that stuff and then drive home from the coffee shop. I’m lucky I never had one of those visions and veered off the road.”

“Dale,” said Eric, “I was talking about the–”

“Gotcha,” Dale said, nodding. “The one on fish farming then. I don’t think it’s right, I’ll tell you that much. Holding a pig underwater and calling it a salmon? No, thank you. And Chef Morimoto? Radio silence. Doesn’t even acknowledge the video.”

“Jesus!” Eric said. “Dale, I’m talking about shirts.”

“The dyes, right?” Dale said. “Yeah, I’ve read that one too. The photos of the rashes that look shockingly like Nebraska? Wild.”

“No, I’m talking about International Reports, the shirt brand,” Eric said. “They’ve got a 3-pack of them on sale today on Meh. I was thinking about getting some.”

“Oh,” Dale said, looking down at his cereal. “Neat.”

“But Dale we have to talk,” Eric said. “Where are you getting your news?”

“CNN,” Dale said. “I go right to their site. 'CNN Real News dot Tumblr–”

“Dale,” said Eric, “I’m gonna stop you right there.”