Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)

INT. ROY’S CLEANING SUPPLIES - DAY

Panning shots show aisles full of cleaning supplies: vacuums, mops, brooms, sprays.

At the checkout counter, MR. THOMAS pays for an all-purpose cleaning spray, a dry mop, and a small hand-held vacuum cleaner. ROY DILLINGTON, a handsome bald man with a British accent, reaches behind the counter and produces a duster, placing it with MR. THOMAS’s purchased items.

ROY
For your daughter. On the house. Tell her congratulations on renting her first apartment for me.

MR. THOMAS
Roy, you are one of a kind. I swear, this town is a lot cleaner since you’ve arrived and set up shop.

ROY
(pensive)
And I’m a lot cleaner than I used to be, too.

MR. THOMAS
Ha! Sure, sure.