An Eventuality

Happy New Years! Here’s some caffeinated protein powder!

Why are we selling this today? Well, it’s complicated. Sort of.

There is the obvious reason: Like many people, you might’ve made a New Years resolution, and that resolution might be to get in better shape. And we want to support you in that pursuit.

So we’re offering this stuff. Each serving has 20 grams of protein to keep you from getting woozy during a mega lifting session and 100 milligrams of caffeine to keep you going. Basically, it’s a cup of a coffee with a meal built in so you don’t get jittery. But you also won’t get totally bloated and stomach sick, thanks to the mere 160 calories (again, per serving) and zero grams of sugar.

Plus, it apparently tastes great. Just head over to Amazon, where it has 4.7 stars (great!) based on exactly 420 reviews (lol!), and you’ll see plenty of people raving about how tasty and effective it is.

So, yes. The timing makes sense.

Or does it?

Think about it: if we really wanted you to get a jumpstart on that resolution, wouldn’t we have offered this a week or two ago, so that it could arrive by the first?

That’s exactly right. And you can thank us for not doing that.

Look, the timing of the whole New Years Resolution thing? It basically sets you up for failure, especially if your resolution involves exercise. You’ve just finished a week or two of pure indulgence, replete with egg nog, sugar cookies, big meals, and nary a salad in sight. And when we say ‘week or two’ we really mean ‘month and change.’ Because if you’re anything like us, by the time you finished those Thanksgiving leftovers, you were already a few days into December, at which point, it was like, why not just ride the tryptophan train straight through to the 31st, when you’ll be gorging yourself on champagne and Chinese take-out late into the evening, right?

Again, we’re speaking from experience here, so no judgment. Point is, you’re expected to go from that straight into dead-lifting? No way! Not possible! And the fact that we’re offering this today means you don’t have to. You can buy this protein powder now, thus issuing yourself the warning that the big workouts are on the horizon, and then you can take some long walks and let your digestion and blood sugar normalize while you wait for it to show up.

See? We nailed it! You’re welcome!