We Need to Talk

There’s this thing called “banner blindness” where people visit a website and their brains automatically filter out whole chunks of the page if those chunks feel too much like banner ads.

It’s why a person might complain about ads on something like Facebook, while other people would say “settle down, weirdo, I’m on there six hours a day and have never seen an ad.”

Banner blindness.

Anyway, our point here is that the stuff growing out of your nose like a low-budget Jumanji special effect is objectively terrible. We’re sorry you had to hear this from us.

The reason your friends no longer bat an eye at the tangled nest of nostril snakes you have writhing around in there? Banner blindness. But, like…for your face.

It’s why they don’t mention it every single time you sit down for coffee. It’s not that your upper lip isn’t flanked by a horrifying mane of booger fur, it’s just that in the interest of their own mental health and their apparent desire to continue interacting with you, it’s become essentially invisible to them.

But man. It’s definitely there.

And it’s DEFINITELY there when you’re with people who haven’t had a chance to build up their selective blindness the way your friends have.

That little note the hiring manager scribbled 30 seconds into your last job interview? It wasn’t about the excellent font choice on your resume. (Superb selection, by the way.) It was definitely related to nose hair.

So either start parting your shit on one side with a stylish fade to bring some style to the situation, or get yourself a proper trimmer to hack that nose brush back into submission.

And honestly? Your friends and associates no longer needing to spend mental energy filtering out your hairy face crevices is just the beginning.

You’ll breathe better. You’ll feel more confident. You’ll finally be able to get through a Zoom meeting without having to aggressively look down your nose at the camera to avoid broadcasting your snot vines while you remind Greg from marketing that he needs to unmute before sharing his weekend college football recap.

So yeah. This isn’t about your friends or Greg or even that awesome job you’re going to interview for. It’s about sweet, free, unencumbered nostrils.

You’re welcome.

Oh, by the way—this also does ear hair. Our website traffic data strongly suggests that ya’ll are more of a disgusting nose hair crowd than an old man ear hair crowd, but if you need to trim your ears, this’ll do that, too.