2-Pack: Philips Sonicare ProtectiveClean 5100 Gum Health Electric Toothbrush
- Serious Philips hardware
- All the technological nuance you expect—no, DEMAND—from a toothbrush
- A two-pack means never having to share. (Gross.)
- Need some additional heads? Check out our Side Deal
- Will it make your teeth look noticeably brighter? Maybe, but probably just redirect everyone’s attention to your dope t-shirt from Mediocritee.
This. Changes. Everything.
Greetings, everyone. Thank you for attending my personal infomercial, er…visionary pep talk.
Here in my hand is a humble toothbrush, not too dissimilar from one you might have found in China around the year 1400, a time when many modern conveniences we now enjoy were simply unimaginable—like wireless internet or the ability for me to drive a Ferrari purchased with proceeds from the sale of some monkey-themed NFTs. You know…the simple things we all take for granted.
I was using a toothbrush not too different from this one during my annual sabbatical retreat in South America, where we use psychedelics to open our minds to new and exciting ways to convince venture capitalists to give money to my friends and me. While I was gently hallucinating in my elegantly decorated mud hut, it hit me. We’ve been brushing all wrong.
Today we’re here to show you how we can unlock the infinite tooth-cleaning potential of the traditional toothbrush through the awesomely transformative power of THE BLOCKCHAIN.
We’re talking about—I’m sorry, my partner is waving me down. Excuse me for a moment, everyone. Check my phone? Let’s see. New human optimization podcast episode, 103 Slack notifications, meh.com promotional email, oh I see, I’ve been indicted again. We’ll have to pick this up later.
Okay so maybe we don’t see any need for a crypto, Web 3.0, NFT, blockchain transformation of our toothbrushing experience, but there actually are a few spots where a little bit of toothbrush technology can be downright welcome.
Check out today’s deal. Does it have an app-based interface that lets you gamify your brushing? It does not. But will it give you a little nudge if you’re brushing too hard and about to rip your own gums off? It will!
And honestly, that’s exactly the kind of tech we want from a toothbrush.
On a similar note, it’ll tell you when it’s time to change your brush head. It doesn’t do this with an email or a push notification or a targeted ad when you’re trying to buy dental floss online. It does it with a little beep. Oh and a tiny light. Because that’s all you need.
It’ll even help you get to the dentist-recommended two minutes of brushing each session, including letting you know when it’s time to switch mouth quadrants. And everyone knows that if you don’t actively think about your mouth quadrants, you’re probably spending 90 percent of your time zoned out and sawing away on the bottom left.
You get two of these, by the way!