Too late It’s over

2-Pack iLive Bluetooth Buddy Animatronic Animal Speakers

These Bluetooth speakers sing along to the music in a way that some may consider cute
You might have seen similar ones online that also dance to the music – these can’t dance
8.2" x 6.4" x 6.3", so you should be able to handle them if they come alive in the night
Rechargeable via included micro-USB cable; an audio input cable is also included if you’re Bluetooth-averse
Model: ISB385DOGBR, ISB385LAMW, ISB385ELEBU (Books have International Standard Book Numbers (ISBNs) to identify them and animatronic speakers have Incomprehensible Strings of Balderdash (ISBs) for same)

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The Animal Collection

Joyous Mother’s Day, everyone. You’ve given the tulips and attended the mandatory brunch and you can finally start thinking about other people in your life like children, nieces, and cuteness-obsessed Japanese girlfriends — all of whom will love these weird little animatronic animal Bluetooth speakers.

Meh writer @skemmehs here bringing you a hawt animal-themed playlist for your Sunday listening pleasure. But first, a disclaimer about these weird-ass animatronic animals:

If you research these speakers online you might see versions where they dance and sing to the music. These are not those. These only sing along (i.e. move their mouths) to the music.

With that out of the way, let’s get to the animal tracks (get it?):

Animal Collective — “Lion In A Coma” (2009)
A double whammy with animals in the names of both the song and band. Don’t feel bad if you never “got” Animal Collective. As the dumb play on words in the song title suggests, they’re a silly band.

Jewel Akins — “The Birds And The Bees” (1964)
Oh I get it. Like sex.

George Clinton — “Atomic Dog” (1982)
I challenge you to listen to this without thinking the words “Snooop Doggg” during the chorus.

Flanders and Swann — “The Gnu Song” (1957)
Gyou’d gthink a gnovelty gsong gabout a glittle-gknown gsavannah gmammal gcould glast g2 or g3 gminutes gbefore rgunning out of gsteam. And gyou’d be gright.

Neko Case — “The Tigers Have Spoken” (2004)
This title track from Ms. Case’s live album starts with a modern twist on Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” suggesting we rehabilitate the world’s tiger population by feeding them human children. The rest of the song isn’t as funny.

Sleater Kinney — “Light Rail Coyote” (2002)
The most Portland song from the most Portland band. Here’s a robust description of the city in less than 140 characters:
And Burnside will be our street
Where the kids and the hookers meet
Diners and strip club junk
Bookstores and punk rock clubs

The Bees — “Chicken Payback” (2004)
One of my favorite songs of all time is chock-full of animals — in the band name, the song name, and just about every line of the song itself. Pro tip: Play this at a wedding and everyone will dance from kids to grandparents to downstate hipsters.

Damon Albarn – “Mr. Tembo” (2014)
For a heartwarming song about a baby elephant from the frontman of Blur and Gorillaz, it’s a lot better than it sounds.

Mastodon — "Octopus Has No Friends” (2011)
Another double-dose of animals. What would win in a fight between an octopus and mastodon of similar sizes?