2-for-Tuesday: Bluetech Emergency LED Flashlights with Motion Detection

  • You get 2 flashlights for emergencies like power outages and scary-story-recountings
  • They have a motion detector that turns on automatically so you don’t have to grope around like a buffoon
  • Rechargeable, and can be stored in their charging docks until needed
  • Each flashlight has 10 LEDs on top and 6 on the side for maximum light emitting
  • Can be used as a reading light … maybe … if you believe this outrageously photoshopped picture
  • Model: B1-FLASHLIGHT (Remove that damn hyphen and you’ve got a unique, searchable model number that’s not competing with reviews of afro-boogie albums)
see more product specs

Resolve Thyself

You could resolve to be less of an idiot in 2018. Start by purchasing these emergency LED flashlights, and the next time the power goes out you won’t curse yourself for being a short-sighted dimwit.

It’s not too early to start crafting your New Year’s resolutions. In fact, it’s the perfect time. In a week from now you’ll be so bloated and crapulous all you’ll be able to think about is losing weight and drinking less. But those are boring, pointless resolutions.

The much bigger problem you face in life is how often you make stupid mistakes. Think about how many times you forgot to replace the toilet paper. Or charge your phone. Or buy Bitcoin when it was $8. Imagine how much better your life would be if you stopped being an idiot all the time.

You’d be sure to have charged flashlights handy, but that’s only the beginning. You could also move your car on street cleaning days. And clear your browser history regularly. And sell your Bitcoins before they crash back down to $8.

When you boil it down, most of your problems stem from being stupid. If you just concentrated on being smart, you could have a better job, enjoy a healthier relationship, and no longer drop the mayonnaise on the floor because you didn’t screw the lid on the last time you used it.

When you’re not an idiot, the world is your oyster. At least, that’s what we imagine. We’ve never even made it through January without making a single boneheaded mistake, but 2018 could be the year we stop face-palming and start back-patting.

You’ve already bought gifts for your stupid friends. Now buy something for your stupid self.

So far today...

  • 66764 of you visited.
  • 38% on a phone, 5% on a tablet.
  • 5110 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 966 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $22099 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?