12-Pack: BeeFree Grain Free Warrior Snack Mix

  • You get 12 bags in two flavors (6 each)
  • Convenient 3oz resealable pouches for portionable snacking
  • Healthy, gluten- and grain-free, infinitely snackable, quite delicious, etc.
  • Almonds, Honey, Almond Meal, Coconut, Pumpkin Seeds, Sunflower Seeds, Organic Coconut Oil, Vanilla Extract, Almond Extract, Sea Salt
  • The “Berry Bomb” adds cranberries to the above ingredients
  • Can it make a margarita? It can make a margarita kinda crunchy.
see more product specs

For Warriors and Others

Well, yesterday was fun, yeah?

We laughed. We cried. We tested the limits of what can be credibly called a trick or treat offering. But mostly we carefully engineered a digital retail experience most likely to entice users into a plausible cost-justification of an IRK purchase against all rationale to the contrary.

Like we do.

But today?

There’s no IRK math or countdown-induced FOMO this time around, just a twelve-pack of the most unnecessarily aggressive gluten- and grain-free granola we could find. [Editor’s note: Dearest copywriter, please read the back of the bag.]

Because guess what, original manufacturers—y’all are in the granola business. It’s the stuff in trail mix, intermixed with off-brand M&Ms. The stuff you can make into bars and then give to little kids in their lunchbox. Food for hikers and hippies and haberdashers. [Copywriter: the bag, please…]

Just to be sure, we did a Google image search for “granola eaters” to see if we were forgetting anything and…we were! Smiling ladies with yogurt. We totally forgot about the ladies with their yogurt and their unsettling smiles. (Market research for the win.) [Editor’s note: Read. The back. Of the bag.]

So why anyone felt the need to try and give this stuff the “Dude Wipe” treatment and create warrior granola or whatever this is supposed to be is anyone’s guess. We’d like to think that if you’re too insecure to eat the glorified hackysack tapp—FFS READ THE BAG, READ THE BAG, READ THE BAG.

…

…

So just for no reason in particular we just had a look at the back of the bag. [Editor’s note: ಠ_ಠ] And all of this company’s modern warrior products appear to be inspired by the founder’s son, who leads an inspirational daily battle against autism. You know, powered by nutritious gluten-free snacks like this one.

So yeah.

Maybe you guys shouldn’t be so quick to judge, eh? [Editor’s note: “you guys”?]

Let’s crunch up some yogurt, yeah?

So far today...

  • 100659 of you visited.
  • 40% on a phone, 1% on a tablet.
  • 3023 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 844 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $13779 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?