Party Savers

The party is winding down. Your guests have begun eyeing their phones and yawning. Patricia thinks her raised-eyebrow elbowing of Mike was subtle, but everyone can tell she’s ready to leave.

You want to give your guests a memorable last impression of your soiree. Something that makes it stand out in the dull-grey sea of adult parties. Something that, on the drive home, they’ll endeavor to remember for their next party.

“So, everybody, thanks for coming,” you say, “and before you head out, I have a simple question … "

Heads turn. Ears quiver in anticipation.

“Who do you think drank the most tonight?”

The chips have been laid on the table — all in. Will they call? You retrieve these Alcograd breathalyzers from your breast pocket and lay them on the table. You explain how they work: chemically reacting crystals that change colors to reveal blood alcohol content, like a tipsiness litmus test. Then the debate begins.

“Patricia, definitely. I can tell when her face turns red.”

“Sam never seems drunk but those IPAs he’s been downing are 7.8% ABV.”

“Me. I definitely drank the most."

Friendly wagers may be placed — for non-incriminating non-monetary sums, of course. Voices may be raised. Wagers may be adjusted after seeing whose voices were raised over a dumb party game.

Finally, everybody breathes into their tubes, revealing the truth. It was sweet Mike, whom nobody expected! Patricia yanks the keys from his hands. Sam the IPA-imbiber looks at the deep crimson of his own results and suggests he grab a Lyft home.

Everybody leaves. You smile. You spent $100 on food and $14 on breathalyzers, and everybody will remember the latter. And, most deviously, you prevented your dumb friends from driving drunk and passed it off as a party game.

You won the party.