Let There Be...

The General could not find a moment of peace in the command center. Alarms rang out, and lights flashed. He paced anxiously, thinking of next steps, when suddenly it all stopped. The lights ceased, the alarms went quiet, filling the room with the oddly clear silence that only occurs during a power outage.

Just then, one of his chief advisors rushed in.

“What the hell just happened out there?” the General said.

“It was an alien, sir,” cried the advisor. “One of the big ones that stands three stories tall. It threw a javelin that looked as though it were made of pure light, which struck the power plant, plunging the whole region into darkness.”

The general sighed. “It’s not ideal, but it will be alright. The battery is already fully charged.”

“What battery, sir?” the advisor asked.

“The battery of my 1500-lumen Duracell Dual Power Lantern,” the General said. “And when that dies, I’ve got some D-batteries I can use.”

“Sir, how does that–”

But before the advisor could finish his sentence, another ran in. “Sir,” she cried, “the aliens seem to have some sort of device. It appears soft like a stress ball, but when they squeeze it, it sends out an electromagnetic pulse that kills all alkaline batteries within a hundred-mile range.”

“Dammit!” the General pounded his fist on a table. “But it will be okay. There’s always the solar charging function.”

“For what, sir?” said the second advisor.

“I think he’s talking about his Duracell Lantern again,” said the first.

“Is this really what–”

But before she could finish, a third advisor rushed in. “Sir, a massive ship has taken up the airspace over the city. It’s blocking out the sun for miles.”

“That’s terrible!” cried the General. “But perhaps not insurmountable with a series of mirrors to reflect the light and–”

“Sir,” said the first advisor, “with all due respect, your lantern isn’t what’s important here!”

“But it’s getting dark!” the General shouted. “And I’ve got reading to do. I just started The Hunger Games series!”

“Is that really what you should be doing now?” said the second advisor.

The General shook his head, dejectedly. “I know, I know. The first in the series is nearly twenty years old. But that’s just how it goes, isn’t it? Life happens, et cetera.”

“No,” said the third advisor, “we mean now as in… when we’re being attacked by aliens.”

“Oh, that.” The General rolled his eyes. “It’s simple. They’ve been building a laser in an underground facility in the Arizona desert, but they’re one piece away from making it work. Nobody will be able to figure it out except a woman, the leader of the laser project’s estranged sister. She’s an eccentric genius who’s currently teaching physics at a community college in Toledo. Get her, bring her to the facility, finish the laser, shoot it, save humanity, yada yada yada. Seriously, do I have to tell you three how to do everything?”

“To the Jeep!” the first advisor said, and the three of them rushed out of the room, but the General didn’t follow. He settled into his chair, flipped on his bright Duracell lantern, and opened his book. “Now how will she get out of this one,” he muttered to himself with delight.