Random condom conundrum outcome!
11Like so maybe irked mehtizens, I received a literal fuckload of extra large, vegan lubed condoms. And, since I’m not trained at making balloon animals, and my slippery eel sock puppet act has me legally banned in the state as a performer, I needed to rehome these rascally vas-culls.
I tried my local health department… No luck. They weren’t allowed to take donations.
I tried the local safe-sex/ prevent HIV transmission group. No luck.
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Argh. There was apparently posting dickery and my rough draft posted.
Here’s the final version:
Like so maybe irked mehtizens, I received a literal fuckload of extra large, vegan lubed* condoms. And, since I’m not trained at making balloon animals, and my slippery eel sock puppet act has me legally banned in the state as a performer, I needed to rehome these vas-cully wrap-its.
I tried my local health department… No luck. They weren’t allowed to take donations.
I tried the local safe-sex/ prevent HIV transmission group. No luck.
But the local alt-art, burlesque, kink scene?
All for it.
So maybe reach out in directions. Check in at art galleries, performance venues. Share your large-esse.
They had a bit of hesitation (until they vetted me) because there’s a horrendous possibility that someone would donate punctured condoms out of sheer dickishness. So keep everything boxed up, and, if possible, get vouched.
But rehome those cock socks! This is really not an era for unsafe sex!
*The lube is vegan, as I understand. I do not know if the condoms were lubed by vegans.
@brainmist
Excellent punnery!
“Vas culls.”
Oh, and meh? They’ll take more. So feel free to dump more condoms in my direction.
And now I think I need a shower.
So many ‘Showme’ possibilities in that well written post; but alas, I’m not a member…
@bee1doll Members are the last thing we want to see, vis-a-vis this thread.
/showme a Rooster (cock) wearing a bunch of donated Socks.
@MrGoodGuy Here’s the image you requested for “a Rooster [object Object] cock [object Object] wearing a bunch of donated Socks.”
@mediocrebot Funny that the bot had to use [object Object] to specify what type of C0ck it was depicting!
@mediocrebot @MrGoodGuy
Looks like performance art to me!
@mediocrebot @MrGoodGuy needs a Jimmy hat
Because heat escapes from the head too (not that “most heat escapes from there”, it’s that most people don’t like to wear headgear three leaving the head as the biggest hole in the insulation)
Let me know who receives them.
Suzie Shameless 
Do you know how many box’s of cock socks I have? Probably 60-80, I tried the giving to the health dept but they have enough. I thought about giving them away for free but I didn’t want to be accused of giving underage kids condoms, “oh the humanity.” So I’m just gonna put them in my free box at my garage sale and if kids take them that’s their business not mine.
But I love your write up.
You mean these are used to create guaranteed to be a vegan for life babies? Who knew.
PS I talked to a parent of a kid whom I knew screwed around and she said it was OK to give them to him. I am presuming he gave some away since there were so many. At least I hope so. Heaven help everyone if he had sex that often before they expired in May.
@Kidsandliz if they’re used correctly, they’ll hopefully prevent creation of vegan for life babies. Or any other type!
My esse is not that large and I resent the implication.
@phendrick sir, I would think you’d tip me for the implication, if we had a tip jar. But it’s not the size of the esse, it’s the motion of the esseocean.
Being an omnivore, I’m not really drawn to vegan.
Do they come in gluten free? (Asking for a friend)
@mehcuda67 I feel reasonably certain you could chew these as long as you’d ever want and interest no gluten.
@brainmist
Have you tried going to a nerd convention?
Slightly kidding, not kidding, any large gathering (concerts, college) would probably accept them as long as the packaging was intact.
@pakopako my local burlesque museum/ '80s dance venue IS a nerd convention, and yes, the nerds are down with PPE. (Yeah, you know me!)
They also took some extra kn95s off my hands. Meh, if you want to relocate some crates, I’m down.
I started a quick research. Planned Parenthood may not accept them since some sick perverts might have poked holes in them with needles. I guess the same sick perverts that would put razor blades in apples.
I did find an LGBTQ center in Arlington that I am going to contact. They actually offer a condom club to their clients where they can get 12 free condoms and packs of lube a month. The other option is a clinic in Seattle called the Condom Fairy that provides condoms, menstrual products and pregnancy testing for people in need.