Cute & Useful

During a lull in conversation, Annie released a satisfied sigh and took in the night. “It’s just nice to eat dinner outside,” she said. “Lizzie and Will were so happy, they even ate all their veggies!”

Eleven-year-old Lizzie smiled and rolled her eyes, but Will, age six, seemed genuinely confused. “Corn is a vegetable?” he said.

Everyone laughed heartily at that.

“Won’t be long before it’s too hot, if you can believe it,” said Uncle Jake, who was visiting the family from back East.

“Hey, that reminds me,” Anthony said, “Meh has these for sale today, take a look.”

“Aww,” Annie said, taking the phone and passing it to their children. “They’re little bears. And they’re fans?”

“Also, flashlights and power banks,” Anthony said. “We should get them.”

“Fun colors,” Annie said. “Brown bears are grizzlies, I know. And white bears are polar bears, obviously. But I’ve never heard of a navy blue bear before!”

This time, they all laughed but one, Uncle Jake.

“Probably just a black bear that’s been swimming,” Uncle Jake said.

“Sorry?” Annie said.

“A navy blue bear,” Uncle Jake clarified, “is probably just a black bear that’s gone swimming. The water would make its coat appear iridescent and therefore dark blue.”

“Jake,” Anthony said.

But Jake didn’t seem to hear him. “Or perhaps it’s a black bear cub, fresh from the womb, still wet with the fluids of birth.”

Anthony took a long drink of his wine while Annie looked down and muttered, under her breath, “Jesus.”

“I want the pink one!” Lizzie said, who was old enough to understand when a situation required diffusing.

“That one,” Jake said, “is probably just a polar bear who’s just enjoyed a fresh kill.”

“C’mon, bro,” Anthony hissed.

Again, Jake seemed not to hear him. “Maybe there’s been a bit of rain, so the starkness of the blood on its coat has faded considerably, making it appear pink rather than dark red.”

“What did it kill?” Will asked.

“Will,” Annie said.

“Probably a seal,” Jake said. “But maybe a walrus or a beluga. A hiker, possibly, if it was real hungry.”

A silence fell over the table.

Jake took it upon himself to break it. “Great dinner, Annie. Say, what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”

“We planned to go to the zoo,” Annie said.

“No!” cried the children in unison, before they both slid out of their seats and ran crying inside.

“Huh,” Uncle Jake said, sitting back. “That’s funny. I used to love the zoo when I was their age.”