What's your favorite of these historical eras?

One time a bully was beating up on me exclaiming he was going medieval on my A$$. I informed him his rudimentary weapons were more ancient than medieval. The beating did not lighten up.

Early Modern…I guess that’s another expression for the Enlightenment?

Right here, right now.

/youtube future simpsons opening

The era where I exist because I make it awesomer

Roman history gives us stuff like this:

Agrippina the Younger

Sister to Caligula, with whom she may have been lovers at one time, and whom she later plotted to assassinate.

Niece and 4th spouse of Claudius (for him a political marriage). She is believed to have assassinated him by poison.
(She may have also assassinated her two previous husbands.)

Mother to Nero, who tried to kill her many times before finally succeeding.

Her death, on her son Nero’s orders:
(Wikipedia)

Tacitus’s account
According to Tacitus, in 58, Nero became involved with the noble woman Poppaea Sabina. With the reasoning that a divorce from Octavia and a marriage to Poppaea was not politically feasible with Agrippina alive, Nero decided to kill Agrippina.[13] Yet, Nero did not marry Poppaea until 62, calling into question this motive.[14] Additionally, Suetonius reveals that Poppaea’s husband, Otho, was not sent away by Nero until after Agrippina’s death in 59, making it highly unlikely that already married Poppaea would be pressing Nero.[15] Some modern historians theorize that Nero’s decision to kill Agrippina was prompted by her plotting to set Gaius Rubellius Plautus (Nero’s maternal second cousin) or Britannicus (Claudius’ biological son) on the throne.[16]

Tacitus claims that Nero considered poisoning or stabbing her, but felt these methods were too difficult and suspicious, so he settled on – after the advice of his former tutor Anicetus – building a self-sinking boat.[17] Though aware of the plot, Agrippina embarked on this boat and was nearly crushed by a collapsing lead ceiling only to be saved by the side of a sofa breaking the ceiling’s fall.[18] Though the collapsing ceiling missed Agrippina, it crushed her attendant who was outside by the helm.[18]

The boat failed to sink from the lead ceiling, so the crew then sank the boat, but Agrippina swam to shore.[18] Her friend, Acerronia Polla, was attacked by oarsmen while still in the water, and was either bludgeoned to death or drowned, since she was exclaiming that she was Agrippina, with the intention of being saved. She did not know, however, that this was an assassination attempt, not a mere accident. Agrippina was met at the shore by crowds of admirers.[19] News of Agrippina’s survival reached Nero so he sent three assassins to kill her.[19]

Suetonius’s account
According to Suetonius, Nero was annoyed at his mother being too watchful and tried three times to poison Agrippina, but she took the antidotes in time and survived.[20] He then tried to crush her with a mechanical ceiling over her bed at her residence.[20] After this failed, he devised a collapsible boat, which would either have its cabin fall in or become shipwrecked. Nero then ordered captains of a different boat to ram this boat while Agrippina was aboard.[20] Nero heard Agrippina survived the wreck so he ordered her to be executed and framed it as a suicide.[20]

Cassius Dio’s account
The tale of Cassius Dio is also somewhat different. It starts again with Poppaea as the motive behind the murder.[21] Nero designed a ship that would open at the bottom while at sea.[22] Agrippina was put aboard and after the bottom of the ship opened up, she fell into the water.[22] Agrippina swam to shore so Nero sent an assassin to kill her.[23] Nero then claimed Agrippina plotted to kill him and committed suicide.[24] Her reputed last words, uttered as the assassin was about to strike, were “Smite my womb”, the implication here being she wished to be destroyed first in that part of her body that had given birth to so “abominable a son.”[25]

Agrippina’s alleged victims
47 AD
Passienus Crispus: Agrippina’s 2nd husband, poisoned (Suet.).
49 AD
Lollia Paulina: as she was a rival for Claudius’ hand in marriage as proposed by the freedman Callistus (Tac. & Dio).
Lucius Silanus: betrothed to Octavia, Claudius’ daughter before his marriage of Agrippina. He committed suicide on their wedding day.
Sosibius: Britannicus’ tutor, executed for plotting against Nero.
Calpurnia: banished (Tac.) and/or executed (Dio) because Claudius had commented on her beauty.
53 AD
Statilius Taurus: forced to commit suicide because Agrippina wanted his gardens (Tac.).
54 AD
Claudius: her husband, poisoned (Tac., Sen., Juv., Suet., Dio).
Domitia Lepida: mother of Messalina, executed (Tac.).
Marcus Junius Silanus: potential rival to Nero, poisoned (Pliny, Tac., Dio).
Cadius Rufus: executed on the charge of extortion.

Little wonder that Hollywood loves Rome.

I was going to make a joke about the eras in Civ games, something about researching tech. But I haven’t had enough coffee yet and I can’t brain. Insert stupid joke here.